What's the Point?

I had a great reason for starting this blog back in 2004 - to keep my friends and family up to date on what I was doing in Bangladesh. I became addicted to blogging, and continued to post even after I came home. I've made lots of new friends and maybe connected with some long-lost buddies because of this blog.

But I often wonder, what is the point? Do I have a theme? I seem to complain a lot about different things. Sometimes I try to write little op-eds about current affairs and important issues.

Note: Today I was going to post about the discourse regarding Barak Obama running for president. (A NYT article for which I can't find the link talks about how many African Americans don't think he's "black enough", and some political leader actually said that he's the first "clean" African American to run, and some people don't think he's American because his father was from Kenya!!!) I wanted to talk about how the whole point is that we should elect a leader for their abilities to LEAD, not because of what they look like. That's what it means to BREAK DOWN BARRIERS!! But I decided to spare you.

Anyway, there are plenty of other bloggers who have taken up this subject, and dealt with it much more eloquently than I ever could, so go read their blogs.

So then I wonder, should I make my blog into one of those "current links" blogs (like Rezwan's excellent blog about Bangladesh), but nah, that's been done too.

Wendell's got a Critter-themed blog. Gina's got the whole "domestic nemesis" angle. Tanya's blog is just hilarious and witty all the time. Then there are the legends: Twisty and Bitch - they don't even need a theme, that's how good they are. So what am I left with? I'm too ADD to stick to one thing!

I worry that nobody really cares what I had for lunch yesterday, or what I did last weekend, or how cute my kid is. Note: He's the cutest first grader in the WORLD. Things would be much more interesting here if I could tell all my secrets - if only I could be sure that my professors/friends/family/boss/etc. wouldn't read on certain days... I've considered making an anonymous blog, but I'm just too lazy to start over. Plus, I kinda like it when my friends visit my blog and make comments. I crave attention.

And another thing: I've had three people make repeated comments to me about how this seems like a big waste of my precious time. Is it that these people don't understand what a blog is? Do they think that I spend hours formulating each post? Or is it really a waste of time?

So what's an aimless blogger to do? Suggestions?

brrrrrrr

I've had the flu all weekend, and check out the weather forecast for tomorrow....

I'm staying home.

Those Freakin' Ribbons.

I've already posted about how I despise those stupid "Support Our Troops" magnetic ribbons that are everywhere nowadays. Here's an awesome performance from some people who also despise. (Warning: There are dirty words, violence, and sexual acts depicted in this clip. Enjoy!)

I Heart Thursday.

My favorite day of the week has always been Thursday. It's close enough to Friday to make me feel like I can make it one more week, and for some reason it's just a relaxing day for me. My high school biology teacher always wore a strange green outfit on Thursdays (green poly pants with a lighter green poly shirt), and we would joke that because green M&M's are an aphrodisiac, he must wear green on Thursdays on purpose because he wanted to get laid, and the phrase "green Thursday" became an allusion to randiness.

Anyway, today is a nice day. I drove to Madison yesterday and spent the night at Gina's because I had a late meeting. We made an excellent dinner - I cooked the dal, Gina made some green bean curry, and Rajas made the rice. To top it off, Rajas got some jilapi (recall my favorite sweet from Bangladesh) and it was so delicious that I almost died. Food and friends, what could be better?

This morning I had to walk to school in the sub-zero temps, though. I cannot stand the feeling of my face freezing off while my back is sweating. It's horrible and wrong. This weekend is being dubbed "the Deep Freeze", with expected highs of 2 degrees. Augh.

But I only have one class today, and this afternoon I get to meet with some like-minded people for fair-trade coffee and conversation about Asia, NGO's, education and all sorts of awesome things. I just love this town!

The Rundown

Here's what they're gonnna learn me at the U this semester:

Sociology of Gender: this awesome class is only 1 credit, and all I really need to do is show up for the class in order to get credit. I get to rub elbows with many of the dissertators from the top sociology department in the nation and learn the ropes while discussing gender issues. What could be more awesome???

Stats for Sociologists II: the sequel to last semesters "easy" stats class. It's not going to be easy this time around. We will be learning about something called "logit models" and logistical regression. Useful but painful for the brain.

Labor in an Integrated World: Globalization, labor movements and how things have changed in the last 50 years. Awesome.

Economic Geography: This class deals with globalization and the creation of new "knowledge spaces", or international collaborations between educational institutions. Love it.

Sociology of Socio-Economic Change and Development: another 1 credit seminar where I can just sit and listen (maybe talk sometimes) as the divine dissertators talk about stuff.

Development Studies Seminar: a 1 credit class for which I'll need to make a presentation, do weekly readings and contribute thoughtfully to the group. This is the only class that I have with ALL the other development studies program students, and I have the feeling it's going to be great. But I'm also intimidated. I'm always intimidated - that's so lame.

All in all, this semester is probably going to be more work than last semester, but at the same time it's going to be way more relevant and FUN. If my brain explodes, at least I'll be enjoying myself while it happens.

Nobody's born a bigot.

But it sure sets in quick.

Isaac has been telling tales for some time - there was the girl who said he was adopted because he doesn't look like his mom. Innocent mistake, I thought, and explained to him what it meant to be adopted, and that it's not a bad thing, and why the girl might have thought he was adopted.

Then a girl told him that "Bangladeshi people stink." A tad more offensive, but easy to laugh at. Yes, some Bangladeshi people do stink, but so do some Americans. And I bet that little girl would stink after a day in 104 degree weather! Ha ha, he he.

But yesterday he came home with another story. It seems his buddy "D." said some horrible things, most notably, "I wish Bangladesh would get bombed." Isaac took that one hard. I asked him why he thought D. said it, and Isaac said that the other kids don't like to hear about Bangladesh. I managed to keep my voice calm and come up with some soothing words, but in my mind I was thinking, "Next time I see that little asshole I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind!!" Then, my jewel of a child says, "Mom, I have an idea. When Baba comes to visit, why don't you both come to my class and talk about Bangladesh? Then the other kids will learn about it, and maybe they'll understand and not be mean."

Oh I love him! I've worried about the whole race thing for a long time - even before I married Masud, actually. Being mixed race is tough, or so I've read. But I think he's got the strength to handle it, and I'm starting to chill out a little. And maybe these trials will help him to become a great diplomat, and he'll grow up to solve the Middle East crisis or something. You never know.

Buns in the Ovens

It seems like everyone I know is pregnant. Warning: if you know me, be sure to have safe sex because I must be giving off some kind of fertility vibe. One woman in my office just had her second baby girl (she's also a PhD student!), another woman I work with is 3 centimeters dilated and will go any day now, and another friend from high school is getting ready for her first baby. My cyber-buddy Big W has an ADORABLE baby girl whom I've never met but am in love with. Another good friend of mine just announced yesterday that she is pregnant with her fourth child.

While my own uterus is closed for business, I still am amazed at the miracle of parenthood. It's such a life-changing, soul-shaking, utterly incapacitating and exhilarating experience. The instant that little squirmy being came out of my body and was place in my arms, I immediately understood unconditional love. I knew that I would easily throw myself off a building in order to keep him safe and happy. It only gets better with each milestone: walking, talking, and now losing teeth and reading. I feel so fortunate that the universe saw fit to give us to each other.

It seems appropriate to note that it's blog for choice day. Please head over to Bitch Ph.D.'s blog and read her wonderful post about pregnancy. She discusses the fact that even in our modern world of birth control and IVF, pregnancy is often not a matter of choice. A great read.

The Brady Bunch

My good friend Shompa revealed to me that it is not necessary to pay the exorbitant fees charged by places such as Kinkos or Walgreens for taking passport sized pictures. Thanks to her, I took these myself and made sure they were the requisite 2x2 size and as I type they are being printed out at the local one-hour photo place. Now we can all get our passports renewed so we can go to Mexico in June!

Brokeback Mountain

I finally watched this movie last night and I loved it so much! If you have not seen it yet, you definitly should. It's a beautiful love story. After I got done watching, I had to call Masud and tell him how much I love him.

Bleh.

No, my internet connection is STILL NOT FIXED. I am sitting in the cafeteria of the local high school because they have wi-fi here. I just finished serving dinner for the Montello Community Dinner Theater, and I have some au jus dribbling down the front of my shirt, but I thought I'd check my email anyway.

For some reason, I can't seem to get my attitude right about starting the new semester. While I'm looking forward to my new classes, other less pleasant aspects of the impending semester are not sitting well. I dread the four hours of commuting, and the fact that I have to get into my cold car, and then into a cold van and then walk a cold walk before I get to my office at 7 a.m. - oh Lord. I am trying to have a more healthy approach to grades but I know that anything less than an A is not going to satisfy me. And I'm resolving not to procrastinate this semester - but I do that every semester.

As a matter of fact, that's what I'm doing right now!

But I'm sure once I "get into my routine", things will be easier. I hope.

Now I need your opinion. I have FOUR friends who at any moment will be squeezing out a baby. Actually one of them already gave birth a few weeks ago. I want to buy them something fun, and I'm thinking of this t-shirt I found on state street that says, "I might barf." (it's for the baby to wear.) Now, I find that hilarious, but the question is, do other people?? I've learned that not everyone enjoys laughing about bodily fluids the way I do. Opinions?

Why doesn't blogger let me post more than five pictures per post?

Gina and I both made pies. Gina's was better - my mom keeps talking about how good it was! Mine went in the garbage yesterday. It tasted like Gerber baby food.



I wrapped Gina up in this cheap sari and she looked like a true "buri" (old lady). Sorry Gina, but we need to get you a flashy Bollywood sari!!!



Sister love.



More love. Geez, I hold that dog a lot.



Gina taught me how to waltz.

Dinner party pictures

Devon is our new buddy, and Said brought dinner from his restaurant.



We played a "get to know each other" game. It turned out to be really fun, especially when Said had to read the word "turd".



I think Page was trying to avoid the camera, but her boyfriend Andy is a ham. (And he's really nice.)




We had a little "Gina-roke" as Gina sight-read some of the songs from my dad's 60's music book. I think we were a little too loud. Rajas is good at singing Beatles songs.




Here I am pretending to play the piano. All those lessons with Mean Mrs. Adrian, and I can barely remember the notes on the bass staff!

Damn the Wilderness!!!

Having time off from school is so great – all companies should give at least a month’s vacation so that employees can sloth the days away and return to work with a renewed desire to…not be slothful. But here in the wilderness, where my internet is STILL not working, I am slowly beginning to go mad.

My satellite internet was installed on December 15, and it worked for approximately one week before the lights on my new modem fizzled to a pathetic flicker. The repair man came and tried to fix it but determined that either the dish or the modem is defective. Of course he had installed the very last dish that he had in stock two days previous, and another one won’t be available until the end of this week. So here I sit, typing this post on my laptop in my kitchen, and I’ll have to save it and post it whenever I finally get up the courage to brave the 3 degree weather to go to a hot spot and upload.

Technology blues aside, I have had a wonderful break. My closet and dressers got cleaned out and organized, my fellowship applications got written (almost), and Isaac remembers what it’s like to have a mom. I’ve even managed to host a small dinner party (pictures forthcoming). I still have three glorious days off this week before I plunge into the next semester.

Right now I’m trying to decide whether I should take a shower or work on my to-do list. I love this dilemma.

Read.

TKP asked for a reading list, so here it is. It's kinda short right now because I got frustrated with Amazon.com's listmania function - but that means you can get through it quickly, and then you'll know everything that I know!

A Wedding!

My brother Rob knows how to torture me. Way back in November, we were chatting online and he sent this horrible sentence: "Can you keep a secret?"

He knows I can't!!! I'm a terrible secret-keeper, so don't tell me your secrets. I can't even keep my own damn secrets! I just feel the need to share - the weight of holding secrets inside is too much for me.

Anyway, the secret was that he was planning to propose to Lisa over Christmas. He did, she said yes, and so now I can finally release my secret to the whole world!

They are going to get married in June, and we're all going to Mexico to celebrate with them. My dad is going to officiate and the wedding will be on the beach.

Isaac is really excited that he has a new aunt. He's been bemoaning the fact that he has more Bangladesh relatives than American ones. I told Rob and Lisa to start the kid factory right away so Isaac can have some cousins in the Midwest.

(A little bummer note: Rob and Lisa have mono! Send them get-well-soon vibes!)

blink

My internet is not working and I'm so mad about it I could pee. Of course the customer service phone number makes me wait on hold for at least half an hour before they answer, and then they promised me that the installer would call me within a day to set up a time to fix it. That was Friday, and still no phone call. Grrrrrr.

I had a great weekend, chillin' with my sistah mostly. We went to State Street on Friday where I spent money that I didn't mean to. We had a great lunch at Qdoba (which I've decided that I prefer to Chipotle, but I'm not sure why.) We also visited our Grandma H. on Saturday and Grandma and Grandpa M. on Sunday. Those are hard visits but it was nice to have her with me.

I'm working almost every day this week in order to get almost every day off next week. I love days off.

Ten days in Ohio

Nothing against Ohio, but I don’t like it. This is mostly because I’m mad that Masud’s company is located here and not in Madison. Masud’s little one-bedroom apartment is located right next to the NFL Hall of Fame, and overlooks a pile of rubble that used to be a bowling alley. The Hall of Fame is great if you care about football (which we don’t), and the pile of rubble is a depressing view out the living room window. Canton is bigger than I thought, and has all the big stores, and even some of the small ones, but I find it depressing because my Dear Husband has to be here all by himself.

We did have a nice, nearly fight-free visit, though. The first three days were mostly filled with naps. On Christmas morning, Isaac was pleased to discover that Santa had found us all the way in Ohio, and left a magician’s kit, a pirate telescope, and a fun card game under the table where we left the cookies. (No Christmas tree in this Halal household!)

The day after Christmas, we foolishly decided to go shopping. We first went to Masud’s very favorite store, “The Dollar Tree”. Upon entering, I noticed that Masud had been to the store before, and equipped his kitchen from the wide array of flimsy utensils and cookware on display. Isaac made a beeline for the toy department, and promptly filled his basket with Yu-Gi-Oh! Marbles. I’m not sure what he’s going to do with them, but they are in his new Star Wars Pencil Case that we bought at Target later that day. We had planned to visit several stores, but we were nearly killed several times by erratic drivers and wayward shopping carts. I had forgotten that the day after Christmas is the Second Worst Shopping Day of the Year. And the sales were not even that great!

By far the highlight of our trip was our visit to Michigan and Canada. We drove up after Masud got off work on Friday and met Tanya at her sister Sonya’s place in Ann Arbor. I consider Tanya my Best Friend Who Has Been To Bangladesh and Who Therefore Understands. We had a great meal at this place called Seva, where everything on the menu was vegetarian and I became dizzy trying to decide what to order. I usually have the choice of the house salad or cheese pizza from the kid’s menu. I settled on some kind of enchilada with pineapple salsa and it was oh, so good. Tanya also has beautiful long black hair and I’ve decided to try to grow mine out. I know it won't be the gorgeous silken blackness that I envied, but I've never had long hair so I figured I'd give it a try.

We then continued on to Canada, via the aptly named “Bridge to Canada” between Detroit and Windsor. I found Canada to be very much like the US, only more expensive and a little weird. Case in point: Tim Hortons, Canada’s version of Starbucks, is found on every city block, but when we went in and I ordered a skim latte, the woman behind the counter looked at me like I was speaking Bangla and asked her boss, “What’s a latte?” They serve plain coffee, coffee with cream, sugar or both, or mochas. And donuts. Good donuts.

We had a great visit with my buddy Shompa, though. Shompa used to live with us back in the day, and she’s up in Canada with her hubby Shumon. They are presently either on the plane or sleeping off their jet lag in Bangladesh, in preparation for their THIRD wedding celebration. They sure know how to party.

Anyway, some of you may know that Isaac is a tad particular about which kind of adult he will allow to touch his gameboy. Said adults must be extremely calm, soft-spoken and NOT aggressive. Shompa and Shumon both fit the bill, and Isaac had a great time with them this weekend. Masud ate lots of spicy Desh food (we even stopped for some misti on the way home), and I got to reconnect with a good friend with whom I had lost touch. It was a great visit, and now I can say that I’ve been to Canada!

The last two days of our trip were sad, because the three of us kept thinking about the fact that our time together was almost over. Isaac has cried because he doesn’t want his baba to be alone, and I’ve cried because I miss hearing Masud sing his ridiculous Rabindra one-liners.

We’re all trying to focus on the future when we’ll be able to live under one roof again. It was good to visit, and I can’t wait for the next one, but somehow these brief connections make the pain of separation more acute than ever.

Happy Kill-A-Cow Day!

Today is Korbani Eid, the day when Muslims sacrifice an animal in remembrance of the time that God provided a ram for Abraham to spare his son. It's not a great day for vegetarians.

But this Muslim family raked in the loot over the Christmas holiday. There are definite advantages to religious tolerance!!

Here's a breakdown of my vaycay:

Hours slept: including naps, at least 15 per day.

Movies watched: three - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles I, II, and III. I have seen each movie exactly four times.

Shopping trips: one

Sweater vests purchased for dogs: two

Cookies consumed: at least 20 frosted/sprinkled sugar cookies, and assorted gingerbread.

Strangest task performed: Cutting own bangs with huge orange scissors in Masud's foggy bathroom mirror.

Planned reading list: The Lexus and the Olive Tree by Thomas Friedman and The Curious Feminist by Cynthia Enloe

Actual reading: The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate Dicamillo and about 2 pages of The Lexus and The Olive Tree. The entire December edition of Jane Magazine.

Friends visited: two - Tanya (and her sister Sonya) in Ann Arbor, and Shompa (and her husband Shumon) in Canada.

Days left until we leave: four

We've had such a great visit with Masud, but both Isaac and I are dreading the moment when we'll have to leave him. His next visit will probably be in March for Isaac's seventh birthday. It's a long ways away.

It's a good thing I'll be busy with school.

Birthday Birthday Oh What Fun

Take a picture from below, and I have many chins.


Take a picture from above, and the chins disappear!


In lieu of a cake, I had a pickle with a small votive on it so I could make a birthday wish. I ate an entire jar of pickles last night, and really grossed out my new friend Heather who is a pickle hater.

Done and DONE!

Finally! Yesterday I had a bad moment when I realized that the term project paper that I needed to write had to be ten pages, but fortunately it wasn't too bad. Now I have four glorious weeks to do whatever I please!

And tonight, what I please is to party. As you know, as of today I'm no longer a twenty-something. I don't FEEL 30. I remember when I was little and I realized that my parents were in their 30's and I thought they were SO OLD. Three decades of life! I still live with my parents and I'm still in school, and I enjoy stickers, and I laugh really hard when people fart, and I'm still naive enough to believe that I can make a difference in the world. I hope I can always laugh at fart jokes, unlike my friend Miss Lippy, who must remain stern when her students flatulate. I don't think I'd every be able to resist laughing! The funniest thing about farts is when the farter is really embarrassed. Like my dad, he's such a prude. He'll let one slip and he'll blush and say "Whoops." And then I tease him relentlessly. He even gets embarrassed when other people fart.

But enough about farts.

I learned a lot this semester - SAS programming, linear regression, rational choice theory. I also learned a lot about myself. I learned that I can get by on 5 hours of sleep a night, that I am so lucky to have such a supportive family, and that I really have a lot to learn about so many things. I'm already looking forward to next semester and I feel like I made the right decision to come back to school.

Now it's time to kick back and enjoy the rest of 2006. Happy holidays to everyone!!!

I stole this idea...

...from my blog-buddy Big W. I spend an awful lot of keystrokes on this blog complaining about my life and it's high time that I counterbalance it with some gratitude, so here it goes.


I'm happy that I'm almost done with this semester.

I'm happy that on Saturday, I get to ride a train, a taxi, the El, and an airplane with Isaac and at the end of the journey, I'll see my dear husband waiting to pick us up.

I'm happy that my fish, whose lifespan is supposed to be one year, is currently 3 years old.

I'm happy that my mom does my dishes and makes my bed every day.

I'm happy that my planner is covered with stickers.

I'm happy that my satellite internet got installed yesterday.

I'm happy that last night when I was singing a made-up lullaby to Isaac, he said that I should make an album because my voice is so beautiful.

I'm happy that I have great friends who live all over the country and world.

I'm happy that George Bush can't run for reelection again.

I'm happy that my dogs get so happy to see me when I come home that they pee a little.

I'm happy that my mom got a Christmas tree this year, even though I know she didn't want to but she did it to make the rest of us happy.

I'm happy for dill pickles.

I'm happy that I'll have time to visit my grandparents over break.

I'm happy that I'm in school even though it's hard.

I'm happy that I've made new friends this year.

I'm happy that my dad is in the community theater play.

I'm happy that I know how to speak Bangla.

I'm happy that my sister and I have a great relationship.

I'm happy that we get a year of free Showtime.

I'm happy for The Daily Show.

I'm happy that I'm going to be 30 tomorrow and I still live with my parents (seriously!)

I'm happy that my brother has an awesome dog named Riley.

I'm happy that I know how to make plum jelly without using pectin.

I'm happy that I've stopped eating Kwik Trip vanilla ice cream with oreos crunched up in it every night.

I'm happy that I get to spend Friday on State Street with my mom doing Christmas shopping.

I'm happy about the selection of music on my iPod.

I'm happy that I really like my job and have some good friends there.

I'm happy that Isaac read to me last night.

I'm happy that even though Masud and I live apart, we call each other every day and have meaningful phone conversations.

I'm happy that my birds sing to me in the morning when I get up.

I'm happy that I get to see the sunrise AND sunset every day because I ride the van pool.

I could go on and on - I'm surprised at how easy it was to make this list and how good it made me feel! Thanks Big W!

almost...done...

I just emailed an 80-page collection of essays on "Economic Sociology" to my professor. I also finished a two-hour cumulative statistics exam. Now all I have left is to write up my project paper for my other stats class and I'm home free!

I can't believe Christmas is almost here, and I'm going to be 30 (or, as Pili says 15 x 2) in 2 days! I've become elderly!

Hopefully I'll have enough brain juice to come up with a better post soon...stay tuned.

Cuttin' it close!

I have a presentation tomorrow morning for which I am only 25% prepared. I have lots of work to do today (and had planned on doing it while "working" at my PA job, but came in and found out I have meetings all afternoon!) This morning I got here at 7 a.m., went to the computer lab, cranked out some datasets, and then ran up to my office for my 8 a.m. office hour. I have class from 9-12, which I want to skip so BAD but it's the last lecture and I should go. Then I have meetings until 3:30, which is van time. I always fall asleep on the van even when I don't want to, and then when I get home it's as if the bed has a gravitational pull to rival the moon, and I can't get anything done.

I have to finish tomorrow's presentation (compile data, develop powerpoint, make notes for presenting), write a paper relating to the presentation, write four last papers for economic sociology, study for a cumulative final exam on Monday, and finish a statistical analysis project by Friday. Augh.

And to top it all off, I've caught a contagious disease of tendonitis from my buddy Gina. I bet you didn't know it was contagious, did you? My left hand hurts when I type, and I'm sure it's her fault for forcing me to have lunch with her at Buraka. At least the food was good.

Robert Scissorhands

I'm not sure what Rob is doing with those tongs...

Study break

This weekend I was extremely productive. I sat at the kitchen table for 8 hours on Saturday and 12 on Sunday. My life is so sad right now - I actually caught myself thinking, "OK Katie, one more paragraph, and then for a reward you can get up and do the dishes!"

Help...me...

No comment.

I wonder when we'll catch up with the developing world?

India - Tribe blesses lesbian marriage.

Three days, three panic attacks.

Why do I do this to myself? Thanks to my gloriously slothful weekend, I'm now more behind than ever, and finals week is careening toward me at breakneck speed. I've got to get this stupid SAS program figured out, write 6 more papers, do a big statistical analysis project, study for two exams, and develop a presentation, basically all in the next ten days.

Today as I was sitting in class grappling with the idea of how to compare the probabilities of two samples using confidence intervals and the plus-four method, I felt like standing up and announcing to the class that I really wanted to eat a Choco Taco, and if anyone had one I'd give them all the money in my bag ($5.62).

I restrained myself, and here I am, safely in the computer lab getting ready to pack up for the long drive home. Maybe I'll stop at Kwik Trip for the Choco Taco.

14 hours

That's how long I slept on Friday night. After a relaxing date (dinner and a movie with Isaac), I fell into blissful slumber. I woke up once to let the dogs out, and then fell, oblivious, back into bed. I think Isaac woke me up several times to ask me when I was getting up, but I mumbled "Five more minutes" and went back to sleep. It was as if my body had become one with the mattress. I got up at noon. NOON! I haven't done that since pre-motherhood!!!

Of course it screwed up my sleep schedule for the rest of the weekend but it was worth it.

Page came home for a visit this weekend and showed me how to put on eyeliner so I don't look like a drug addict. Did you know that you actually have to put it on the INSIDE of the eyelashes? (On the bottom at least.) Yeah, that's kinda gross if you ask me.

I've got exactly 11 days left of classes. I've written exactly 8 of 14 papers that are due on Dec. 18. It's taken me the entire semester to this point to write 8 papers, so how do I think I can write six in 11 days? I don't. That's why I had a panic attack last night. But then I wondered, is my professor actually going to read all 70 pages of papers that I hand in? Impossible! I think I'll just put my best ones on the top of the pile.

I also need to finish my SAS program. Last week we learned a little about GIS and SAS - very cool. If I was smart enough, I'd do my thesis with GIS. It's a tool that allows researchers to plot their data on a map so that we can examine spatial relationships in the data. Geography, it's more than rocks and maps.

Speaking of which, I better get back to my homework.

some updates...

1. Che seems to be doing well. The vet thinks that if we stick to a special diet, keep encouraging him to drink water, and get him on IV fluids right away if he starts to throw up, that he'll be okay. El Che says gracias for everyone's prayers!!!

2. Isaac read an entire book by himself last night! He even got some hard words like "through" and "light". I guess his pronouncement at the beginning of the school year that he would "NEVER be ALBE to READ!!!" wasn't quite accurate. Nobel Prize, here we come!



3. Today is World AIDS Day. Let's get rid of this horrible disease!



4. I bit the bullet (what the hell does that saying mean?) and signed up for satellite internet yesterday. $300 to install, and $50 a month, but I will be connected again as soon as Wednesday.

5. I love my friends! I'm so lucky - I've had phone calls and emails and blog comments from so many of you in the past week. TKP even sent me some new tunes that helped me get my groove back. Every single one of you (even some of you that I've never seen face to face!) means a lot to me. (Warm Fuzzies.)

6. I'm thinking about learning Hindi. It'll come in very handy when I'm watching Hindi films.

7. This morning we're having a minor winter storm here in Madison. I had to drive the last leg of the vanpool and nearly killed myself. First I couldn't stop even though I was going S-L-O-W and then fishtailed around a coupla corners. Van=Scary.

8. My plan for this weekend: Sleep in, clean a little, sleep some more, write five million papers, sleep, do lots of stats homework, sleep.

The Giant Frog and the Undersea Government

(Today's post courtesy of Isaac)

Chapter 1

Once upon a time there was a giant frog, and she found a nest and laid her egg. But one day when the frog went for a swim to look for food, the government flew over the egg sac and saw that it was an egg. They had a giant claw that they could use to bring it back to the government and they used it to take it back to the government to see what was inside. They made it hatch and found a baby frog.

They had a frog of their own to fight its mother. They raised it, made it fearsome, and trained it very well. It could almost destroy anything.

Chapter 2

When the frog was alive they put it in the great big undersea water convention to lower the mom there, and then it would release the frog from the cage, and then they would kill the mom because the mom almost destroyed the government. But the mom survived, and then she made a comeback by destroying the ship, the government and the baby frog.

Chapter 3

The baby frog denied to eat its own lunch. The mom got to raise her own baby the way she liked it to be.

THE END.

Doggie Blues.

After my joyous post about how Che had recovered, the vet told my mom that his blood levels were not what they should be, and that he has terminal kidney failure. She gave him until Christmas to live. My mom brought him home with a bunch of medicine and an IV that we were supposed to give him under his skin every 12 hours. This weekend was horrible!

I bawled all weekend and held him and slept with him, and when I had to hold him still for the IV he cried.

But it seems like he's doing fine now. I don't know how it is with kidney failure, but he is eating and drinking (and peeing) like normal. He's even running around attacking Shadow. So I'm hoping that a miracle occurred. We're getting a second opinion today.

Please, if you believe in a benevolent universe, send healthy doggie vibes his way. I can't stand the thought of losing him!

Be glad you're not a potato.

I loves me some potatoes! Thanksgiving has always been about potatoes for me. I never liked poultry, so I'd always load up on carbs. Potatoes, stuffing, rolls, and then a side of dill pickles. My mouth is watering just typing this!

Today is a happy day for me. Masud has been here since Saturday morning at 2 a.m., and it's nice to have our family back together. I had a happy moment this morning when I saw three toothbrushes in the holder. Last night, my mom, Masud and Isaac drove down to Madison and we all went to eat (with Gina and the Raj) at my friend Said's restaurant. I had some good naan, dal and aloo matter, while the carnivores ate spicy lamb curry. After dinner, we went to Trader Joe's to pick up some of their awesome french fried onions for the green bean casserole. Mmmmmm.

My poor dog Che was sick over the weekend and nearly died. We decided that he must have eaten something poisonous because he was vomiting and pooping like crazy. We had to take him to thedoggie ER on Sunday for a subcutaneous saline injection, which probably saved his life, and he's been in the Montello vet's hospital since Monday morning. We weren't sure if he had an obstruction or what, but finally yesterday he ate his breakfast and was able to keep it down. The vet said he could come home today. I have no idea how much it will cost this time, but I'm just so glad he's okay!

And I got a 57 on my hard stats test. I have never done that bad on a test in my LIFE! I guess past performance is not an indication the present.

This will probably be my last post for a while. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving! (But don't forget that we're celebrating the beginning of a horrible genocide of the Native American people...let's use this holiday to learn from our past and prevent more atrocities in the future!!! Soapbox out.)

Give me stuff.

This year on December 20, I will cross a major milestone. It is a big birthday for yours truly, the big 3-0. I remember thinking that 30-somethings were very, very old, and now here I am, turning 30, still in school, and living with my parents. I guess I'm not too freaked out about it, though. I've seen enough hip old folks that I know I don't have to give up my Chucks or stop putting bumper stickers on my car now that I'm "grown". And I have Page to keep me in line - she always tells me if I'm too old for this or that. For example, I wanted to wear wrist warmers, but she informed me that it would not be appropriate for someone my age. (I tried not to let it hurt.)

Anyway, in the tradition of my good friend TKP, I have a gift request. I need some fresh tunes, so please burn me a copy of your favorite play list, CD, or a bunch of music you think I haven't heard before. I have pretty broad musical taste, but tend to shudder when I hear the steel guitar, so no country (unless it's Dixie Chicks).

This is a shameless request for all of you to break the law by pirating music. It's my small attempt at a revolution - I the proletariat am hereby rejecting the bourgeois notion of "intellectual property"!!!

Email me if you need my address, because I'm too scared to post it online. Some deranged Republican (oops! that's a redundant phrase!) might want to hurt me.

And I'm giving you PLENTY of advanced notice. I need tunes to get me through the horrible paper-writing/project-finishing/final exam period that is to come, so send them soon!

Yes, I am a demanding friend. (Those of you who responded that we are "Cordial" on the survey last week don't have to send me stuff.)

The results are in!!

I'm so glad you guys took my survey! Here are the results, as promised. The only one that surprised me was B. Which three of you feel that we're only CORDIAL! And who's the joker who put "fakey polite"????


1. About our relationship.

A. How long have you known me? (n=23, one skipped)

Ten years or more: 34.8% (n=8)
Five to nine years: 8.7% (n=2)
One to five years: 17.4% (n=4)
Less than one year: 34.8% (n=8)
You have no idea who I am: 4.3% (n=1)

B. Would you say we are: (n=23, one skipped)

BFF’s? 26.1% (n=6)
Pretty good buds? 30.4% (n=7)
Casual friends/work buddies? 26.1% (n=6)
Cordial? 13% (n=3)
Fakey polite? 4.3% (n=1)

C. Ten years from now, how do you see our relationship?

We’ll be closer than ever! 45.5% (n=10)
It could go either way… 27.3% (n=6)
There won’t be any change. 31.8% (n=7)
I won’t even be on your email list. 0%
If you see me in public, you’ll probably stick a fork in my eye! 0% (Thank GOD!)


2. About me.

D. I am a: (n=22, two skipped)

Vegan 4.5% (n=1)
Vegetarian 45.5% (n=10)
Omnivore 18.2% (n=4)
Nothing! I cheat! 36/4% (n=8)

*I say I’m a vegetarian, but I cheat about twice a year!!!


E.Many years ago, I went to a psychic and paid five dollars. The psychic told me:
(n=22, two skipped)

That I was an airhead. 13.6% (n=3)
That I would travel the world. 59.1% (n=13)
That I would hold public office. 13.6% (n=3)
That I had a ghost in my house. 13.6% (n=3)

*The psychic actually told me that I was an airhead! She also said that I would have my butt pinched by a guy wearing a uniform in a bar while listening to country music. I wanted a refund.

F. What is my favorite thing about being a mom? (HINT: I like all of these things, but what is my FAVORITE? (n=22, 2 skipped)

I get to watch cartoons. 4.5% (n=1)
I can enjoy poop jokes. 50% (n=11)
I get to eat lots of candy. 31.8% (n=7)
I get to play with legos. 13.6% (n=3)

*It’s definitely about the poop jokes, people. The candy is a close second.


3. Your opinion about me.

G. Do you think I am: (n=22, two skipped)

More like my mom (creative, intuitive, flakey) 68.2% (n=15)
More like my dad (stoic, methodical, safe) 31.8% (n=7)

*I probably AM more like my mom, but I do have a lot of my dad in me, too. I think I offended my mom by calling her flakey. I say, THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH FLAKEY! THE WORLD NEEDS FLAKEY PEOPLE LIKE US TO MAKE IT FUN!!!

H. Where will I end up living? (n=22, two skipped)

Montello (The Wilderness) 4.5% (n=1)
Some big city somewhere. 13.6% (n=3)
Nowhere! I’ll always be on the move! 45.5% (n=10)
Other 36.4% (n=8)
• Where your heart leads you, I hope.
• Dhaka
• Dhaka!
• Heaven
• Why not ARGENTINA?
• Madison, Wisconsin
• Dhaka
• In your own world!

*I hope I don’t end up living nowhere, although with my track record, it seems like endless moving is in my future. I hope I can have a home base somewhere in the Midwest and travel a lot. Dhaka is definitely on the list, people!!!

I. Give one reason why we’re friends: (n=20, four skipped.)

• your beautiful bubbly openness to the world
• Fulbright!
• Great minds think alike!
• I like your blog.
• your mother
• sense of humor, common sense
• Hey, I just met you
• We both have hearts for Bangladesh
• because we're cool!
• Shit, there's not enough room for all I want to write.... Anyhow, I think one reason is that we're a lot alike! Of course, Rob might have something do to with it too...
• I love your warmth and compassion.
• soul mates
• Are we friends? ;oP because you are a great friend, and me too :o), also becuase you love Economics ;o)
• because we get to enjoy a similar wonderful torture
• husband? owan-peesh...
• We are kindred spirits!
• You are always doing something new and interesting and you are gentle except to Republicans
• The poop jokes!
• BUMPER STICKERS!
• You are such a freak, Katie! I can't believe it!

J. Last question: If I were a benevolent dictator, my first decree would be what?
(n=22, two skipped)

That dill pickles are the national food. 27.3% (n=6)
That the male birth control pill is now available. 13.6% (n=3)
That fat people are more attractive than skinny people. 22.7% (n=5)
That mullet haircuts are banned. 0%
That it’s perfectly okay for people to make up bogus
surveys at work and email them to their friends. 13.6% (n=3)
Other: 22.7% (n=5)
• that people lighten up a little - including the dictator herself.
• all of the above
• Everyone will get along , or else no cheesecakes
• The US shall delcare an indefinite "War on Statistics"
• All of the above!

A survey.

I made up a survey about myself. Arrogant, I know, but it is helping me to put off studying! Point your little clicker at this and take the damn thing, already! I'll post results in a week!

My new plan.

I am going to move my bedtime back to 8:00 p.m. I understand that this makes me a senior citizen, but there is no help for it. I am simiply exhausted.

Last night, I tried to implement the plan. Unfortunately, I started trying at 7:58 p.m. (I had to watch the last part of The Biggest Loser!) I had managed to get Isaac in the tub and washed his hair during commercial breaks, but I didn't do my Pre-Sleep Checklist Routine.

1. Locate cell phone and plug into charger (12 minutes)
2. Empty contents of lunch bag and place in sink for washing (1 minute)
3. Figure out what books/folders need to be taken to school tomorrow, and then prioritize based on the weight of my book bag, the relative soreness of shoulder muscles from carrying the book bag, and the scale of laziness. (7 minutes)
4. Decide what to wear the next day and put everything in the bathroom so I don't have to run into the bedroom sopping wet in a towel when it's freezing. (6.2 minutes)
5. Make sure Isaac did his homework. Check his backpack for notes from teacher. Write an excuse note if he didn't do his homework. (4 minutes)
6. Feed the cat so she doesn't harrass me all night (3 minutes)
7. Get Isaac to come into the bathroom and brush while I floss (so that he sees good dental habits being modeled) (12 minutes)
8. Finally get into bed.
9. Remember that I didn't change the finch's water and cover them for the night and get out of bed again to do that (5 mintues)
10. Water the hermit crabs (30 seconds)
11. Wipe up the dog pee I stepped in (2 minutes)
12. Get back into bed. It's now 8:51 and I have to read a few chapters from "the Magic Tree House: Midnight on the Moon" for Isaac's effing Book It! thing. (25 minutes)
13. Isaac isn't sleepy, and neither am I, so I read aloud from the Communist Manifesto. (7 minutes)
14. Isaac's fast asleep, and dad comes in with the dogs. They want to play but I force them to go to sleep by yelling. (12 minutes)
15. I finally, blissfully, drift away into sleep around 10 p.m., two hours past my deadline. I have to get up in 5 1/2 hours. But the dogs wake me up at 1 a.m. barking at a phantom...

So apparently this means that I need to start getting ready for bed at 7 p.m. Since I get home at 6 p.m. when I ride the van, I'll have exactly one hour to eat, interact with my family, and do some homework (yeah, right!) before I have to get in my p.j.'s and start the checklist. This leaves little time for things like watching Family Guy, which I enjoy! Oh well, there are always bootleg DVD's from the Desh.

New Boots

Rob and Lisa's adorable dog Riley is so pumped about his new boots!

Facebook

I finally signed up for Facebook. For those of you who are not 'in the know', Facebook is sort of myspace for grownups, or at least for college students. It's got some nice features, but it has also made me feel very insecure about my friend networks. There is a big sidebar that lists all of my 'friends', and mine is a little skimpy. Some people have hundreds of friends, and I
have 12. In reality, of course, I have more than 12 friends, but in the Facebook World, I'm a hermit!

And, to add to my insecurity issues, I had to get weighed at the doctor's office on Monday. Let's just say that I've exceeded my normal standard deviation, and it's time
to reject the null hypothesis. (Yes, I had a stats test yesterday.) As much as I loathe physical exercise, I concede that if I don't want to end up using a crane to get out of bed, I better do something about it.

Oh, metabolism, why hast thou forsaken me?

Why is it so easy to commit to a diet in the morning, right after breakfast, but at night when I'm tired and hungry, ice cream andoreos sound like a great idea???

Strep-a-licious

I am totally procrastinating right now. I have one hour and 26 minutes to study for stats exam number two, but instead I'm blogging. I didn't study this weekend, either. Nor did I write any papers. I DID cook (gasp) and clean, and grocery shop, and spend quality time with my kid, but during my "free" time, I mostly sat around and though about how I should be doing my homework.

I also slept a lot.

Yesterday, I decided that since it's been a month since I got sick, and this sore throat seems to be getting worse instead of better, a trip to the doctor was called for. I went in and the doctor actually said, "Ewww" when he looked in my throat. That can't be good. So I've got strep, and I've probably been infecting innocent hundreds of people, and I'm probably on the edge of developing whatever terrible disease comes from strep when you don't treat it. But at least it's a good excuse for my apparent lack of motivation to do anything except sleep. I guess a raging infection IS good for something!

And Masud is coming home next weekend! He's driving up from Ohio on Friday, so we should see him sometime Saturday. I've been talking about it a lot, and Isaac thought that he was coming home for good. It was horrible to have to tell him that his Baba would leave again a week later. But a week is better than nothing!

Isaac is way cute with his front tooth missing. He's got a lisp.

Okay, I guess I've gotta study now. Anybody know what the difference between P-values and Alpha-values are?

3 minute post

I have exactly 3 minutes before I have to pack up and skedaddle to catch the van pool, so here's a list:

1. The Stats Test: I didn't finish it, but I know I got a couple of answers correct. Last time, I wasn't even sure I wrote my name down right.

2. Cynthia Enloe: After the horrid stats test, I skipped stats class number 2 in order to see a lecture by Cynthia Enloe (read Bananas Beaches and Bases) on "Where are the women in the war in Iraq? Why does it matter?" It was like an hour and a half of brain massage. I love her, and I'm jealous that TKP gets to take classes with her at Clark U. in Worcester.

3. I'm sick again. Sore throat. Nothing that a little partying won't fix - I'm staying in Madison tomorrow for some much needed social reprieve.

4. Isaac's front top tooth is going to fall out soon. It's so loose that it flaps around when he talks and gives me the heeby-jeebies.

5. I'm way behind on my economics paper that needs to be 60+ pages before December 10th. Help me.

6. I've found two new blogs that are HILARIOUS. I happen to know these two people in real life, and I had no idea they were so funny! The first one will be particularily funny for moms (but everyone will enjoy it) and the second is just all-around entertaining. Lots of bodily-function humor in both. Enjoy!

(Whoops, I'm two minutes late for the van! I'll be crucified for sure!)

More election stuff.

While I'm still depressed about the whole gay marriage thing, I was really happy to hear that a Muslim has been elected to congress!

Why can't everyone agree with me?

I really hoped that Wisconsin would "Beat the Ban" on gay marriage and civil unions, but I guess it was too much to expect. I'm really sad though. I feel like the 60% of people who voted to ban gay marriage and civil unions are total bigots. I can't tolerate bigots. Does that make me a bigot against bigots?

We did get some good democrats in the governor's mansion, the senate and the house, though. I'm trying to be happy about that.

And Rumsfeld resigned!

Now, if only I could figure out how to use SAS before my exam tomorrow. HELP!

Burnout

Ahhh, welcome back to university life. At this point in the semester I always get a little burned out and start the major procrastination. I tried to head it off last week by planning out how many papers I have to write before the end of the semester, and then developing a time line for completion so I won't be all squished at the end. It totally backfired. It only served to solidify my subconscious desire to procrastinate, so much so that I got barely 1/4 of the homework done this weekend that I had hoped.

And I have an exam in my horrible class on Thursday!

Jeebus, I'm such a complainer.

I got an impromptu massage yesterday, though, so that was great.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, here pictures of all of my pets...



Voldemort and Sauron, the evil hermits.




Fidget, the elderly betta.





Mert and Lert, society finches. They poop a LOT.




And you all know the adorable fur balls, Shadow and Che.

Pickles the cat has adamantly expressed her displeasure at being photographed. She's not really my cat anyway, so I left her out.

Spoiled.

As the season of materialism approaches and the ads for ridiculously expensive Christmas gifts for kids increase, I have been thinking a lot about what it means to "spoil" a child. As my favorite hippie-pediatrician Dr. Sears says, the term "spoiled" implies a gallon of milk that has been left to rot in the fridge. The more attention you give a child, the less likely they are to be spoiled.

I did the whole "attachment parenting" thing, which was met with great approval from my mother in law (extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, knowing what the kid wants before they say it, lots of holding and comforting). However, I have been criticized by people of both American and Bangladeshi cultures for spoiling Isaac. I'm told that I buy too many toys for Isaac, I overindulge him, and that I'm "creating a monster". This might be true - I'm definitely not a perfect parent. But here is my attempt at defending myself.

1. Most of the things that I buy for Isaac are very small ticket items - less than $5. Big ticket items are planned way in advance, and many times, Isaac has to save up his own money to help buy them. So, yes, if you are looking at the sheer volume of toys that he has, it's a lot, especially when it's crammed into a small apartment. But the dollar amount that I spend on him is way less than what it looks like.

2. I would argue that from what I've observed at Isaac's friend's houses, he does not have nearly as many toys as other kids his age. Other people have entire huge ROOMS for their kids' toys, and the kids have their own bedrooms! Isaac has half a closet and he sleeps with me.

3. I DO NOT buy EVERYTHING that Isaac asks for, and I RARELY buy things immediately when he asks for them.

4. Isaac understands that the things he gets are because he has earned them, either by behavior, school performance, or some other measurement.

5. Isaac does not have tantrums when I say "no". Aren't tantrums are a defining characteristic of so-called "spoiled" children? In fact, I deliberately say no and make him wait for certain things because I want him to learn restraint. Also, he understands the value of money. If I decide to get something for him, I tell him that it has to be under a certain dollar amount, and he gets it.

6. Isaac is an only child, therefore we can afford to buy him more than if he had siblings. Conversely, he does not have siblings (or friends living nearby) to play with in order to pass time, so the toys give him something to do.

7. MOST of his toys are things that we play with together. We build Bionicles, have dragon wars, battle our Pokemon decks, and we play Gameboy games together.

8. I admit that sometimes I buy things for Isaac to assuage my guilt. For example, a few weeks ago when I spent the night in Madison, I saw some Dragonball Z DVD's for only 5 bucks apiece in a storefront. I bought them specifically to give to Isaac because I knew he'd be happy and it made me feel less bad about spending the night away from him. But is that so horrible? HE didn't know that I was giving it to him to make myself feel better, he was just happy to get a new DVD.

So, what do you think? What does it mean to spoil a kid?

New camera toy...

I got this rad little device that can be held in front of the camera lense while taking a picture and it produces awesome pictures....

IF crappyteacher THEN homicide;

I consider myself a pacifist. I don't like guns or violence, and definitely oppose war. But today in my evil stats-computing-programming class, I found myself thinking that my professor will surely be dead in 50 years. His body, which today is living and breathing and spewing forth frustration into my life, will be rotted down to the bone. I watched him walk around the room, and imagined his flesh slowly decaying and falling off his bones, his eyeballs falling out of the sockets, and his teeth rattling in his skull.

Has Halloween gotten to me? Am I really this morbid? Is SAS worth it?

Sleep.

I slept all weekend. It was wonderful.

But then on Monday morning, I was trying to finish my homework for the evil stats class, and realized that I had severely underestimated the amount of time I would need. Five hours later, I was still working on the first problem. All I can say is, this class had better come in handy some day!!

I got a letter in the mail from Isaac's principal. It seems that he's been absent for "10 or more days" this semester, and I am now required to provide a letter from his doctor stating that it was medically necessary. It was cc'd to the school liaison officer. Are they saying that my son is truant?

Speaking of my son, he's rocking the first grade. The kid does math in his head. This is clear proof that "nature" has more influence than "nurture" - he definitely takes after his father. It's almost scary.

My bro Rob and his girlfriend Lisa came to visit this weekend, and it was nice to see them (although I slept through most of it - sorry guys!) Their dog Riley is a sweetheart, and he didn't eat my little dogs, although Shadow was very antagonistic. Riley has nerve damage and drools out of the left side of his mouth - it was kindof gross, but we can forgive him. We fed him lots of people food, and I guess he farted the entire 2 hour car ride to Green Bay. I'm sure Rob deserved that for something...

My big mug.

Gina FORCED me to put on lipstick for this picture.


My new buddies, Tall Mike, GH, and Eric the iPod guy.


Another new friend, Sayeed.

These are pictures from Gina's party which happened on Oct. 20 - a LONG time ago. I'm such a posting slacker!

Saved by the...dogs?

In my sickly state, I accidentally set my alarm for 3:45 p.m. instead of a.m. last night. (My God, there have actually been times in my life when I set my alarm for 3:45 p.m.! How I yearn for the Days of Sleep!) Needless to say, I overslept. By some stroke of fate, my hermit crabs decided to attempt an escape from their habitat, and when they fell off the little plastic palm tree, they made a clunking noise. The noise woke up the dogs, who then started barking in order to save us from the evil crabs. It was 4:30 - 15 minutes before I needed to leave to catch the van.

I made it! I even managed to put on clean clothes!

It's times like these that I understand how order can come from chaos.

My life is a Captain Underpants novel.

For those of you who have never had the pleasure to read Dav Pilkey's epic novels, you have no idea what you've been missing! Be warned, Pilkey's novels are a tad on the repuslive side (think first graders), so if you have a weak stomach, you might want to skip this post.

If my life were a Captain Underpants novel, I'd be in the chapter entitled "The Morphing Mutant Mucus Mountain". My nose has become a neverending fountain of green goo that drips down my face at the most unopportune moments. For example, I got on the bus this morning and had to share my seat with a rather large individual - which is fine - but since I'm also a rather large individual, we had little wiggle room. I felt a sneeze coming on but couldn't maneuver to my pocket for a kleenex soon enough, so I ended up soiling my new 99 cent "magic gloves" with boogers. It was really embarrassing.

Yeah, it was REALLY embarrassing. So in order to feel less embarrassed, I've posted it on my blog so that the entire world can know about it.

I was so embarrassed that I accidentaly got off the bus on the wrong end of State Street and had to walk about 50,000 miles to campus.

By the time I got to my office, I had that terrible hot-and-cold-at-the-same-time phenomenon happening...sweating in the pits but frostbitten on the face and hands. (Remember, I had to take my glove off on the bus, and I didn't want to look like a weirdo with only one glove on.)

It was an exciting start to an exciting day, that's for sure. And I have hours to go before I sleep.

The Germs Wreak Havoc

I'm sick. I'm sicker than I've been in a long time. This is partly my own fault, because I started feeling sick on Friday morning, but decided to attend a party on Friday night. It was a great party (pictures to come) and I met lots of new and interesting people. I didn't even feel too sick the next day! But when Sunday rolled around, the germs took over. I spent Monday (incidentally, Eid Mubarak to my Muslim buddies!) in a haze of sleep and mucus.

Since I skipped a day of classes last week due to Isaac's sickness, I forced myself to come to campus today. I checked my temp before I left this morning, and it was 102.3. I'm sure it's at least that now, because I'm shaking and I feel like my head has detached from my body and is floating above me. I hope I infected my horrible stats teacher, because his class really sucked today.

This week is lookin' like a doozie - I've got two work-related events that will be happening in the evening, requiring me to drive and stay late. I've also fallen way WAY behind in my paper writing for the semester, and the aforementioned evil stats professor is leaving me in the dust with his cryptic lectures. Fortunately, I met a dude at the party who seems to know the secret to the mysterious SAS programming language, so I might just make it through after all.

To look on the bright side - this is my favorite time of year! It's crispy cold outside, and there is frost on everything. Although I'm a little stressed (a little stressed?) about my work load, this kind of stress makes me extremely productive. Isaac is doing great in school (only one wrong on his last spelling test! Ironically, it was the word "spell" - he wrote "spel".) Masud will be coming to visit for Thanksgiving. There will be mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie and green bean casserole, and all will be well with the world. Oh, yes.

Anxiety: An Example

Okay, first off, please note the last sentence of my previous post: "Talk to me in 5 minutes, and I'll probably be hyperventilating about something."

After a horrific stats class where I realized that missing one day has propelled me on the fast track for a bad grade, I went to stats class number 2. While sitting in class, my dad called. (Thank Kali-Ma that I remembered to turn off my ringer!) Dad doesn't call often, so I figured it must have something to do with my mom (who is recovering from surgery) or Isaac (who is home sick with a high fever). Since I was in class, I couldn't answer it, obviously.

But then, 15 minutes later, he called AGAIN! There were five minutes left of class, and the prof was going over some really deep reason for doing randomization in experiments, so I had to stay! The entire time, I was thinking about all the reasons he might be calling:

1) Isaac's fever got so high that he is having seizures.
2) Isaac is projectile vomiting again.
3) Mom is in the emergency room with complications of her surgery.
4) The house is on fire.
5) There has been a nuclear attack on Montello.
6) The world is ending.

Finally, mercifully, class was dismissed and I quickly called dad back. He answered and said, "Oh, I just wanted to know how you are."

Sigh.

Finally! A new post!

Whew, what a week it's been! I really hate the fact that I don't have internet at home and must wait until I re-enter civilization on Tuesdays to jump online. Unfortunately Isaac was sick on Tuesday, so I had an involuntary day off. I missed two classes - my first missed classes of my Ph.D. career!!! Now I'm behind!

Anyway, we've had an eventful week at home. My mom had surgery on Tuesday, which turned out fine. She's on the couch recovering, which worked out nicely for me today because Isaac's fever came back. I put his lunch out on the counter so hopefully he can take care of himself today.

I stayed up last night to watch the finale of Project Runway. I hadn't watched the show until last week when I discovered that we had free Bravo and they were showing a PR marathon. I caught snipets of most of the last few episodes and then forced myself to stay up to watch the last one. Ten o'clock is a killer these days.

With all the TV watching that happened this weekend, I must say that my school work was severely neglected. Not to worry, I made up for it on Tuesday. One of the great things about reading all this boring economics stuff is that non-fiction books on things like women and development have become exciting. I crave readable texts like "Development as Freedom" and even Todaro's "Development Economics" has become more readable than before.

Today the Annual Conference on South Asia begins here in Madison. It's a big conference, and I was able to volunteer stuffing folders and alphabetizing nametags for a few hours in order to get free admission. I'm spending the night on Friday so that I can get to the early sessions on Saturday. (Not to mention attending Gina's kegger on Friday night!)

It seems like I might be getting the hang of this grad school thing - I've just got to embrace the fact that I'll always have too much to do and I'm not as smart as I thought I was, but that's okay! For the moment, I'm okay with that.

(Talk to me in 5 minutes, and I'll probably be hyperventilating about something.)

Muhammad Yunus Wins Nobel Prize!

It was only a matter of time, but Muhammad Yunus has been named the newest Nobel Peace Prize Winner for his development of microcredit loans that help poor people (mostly women) to start small businesses. He also founded Grameen Bank and the Grameen Phone program, which put mobile phones in the hands of many rural women and changed the rural dynamic of Bangladesh.

Yay for Yunus! and Yay for Bangladesh!!!

Ani at the Orpheum

Tonight, Page and I are going to see our very favorite righteous babe, Ani Difranco, at the Orpheum Theater on State Street. I've been thinking about the day that Page and I would go to a concert together ever since the day when she was in 2nd grade and I played "Waitress" by Tori Amos for her and we rocked out together.

Welcome Riley

Since my last post was nerdy and a little over the top, here's a new one to take the edge off. [note: I'm no longer on the edge of an anxiety attack, thanks to a chat with my buddy Gina and a hot cup of cocoa.]



Isn't he cute!?? No, I did NOT get another dog. This is my new "nephew", because he now lives with my brother Rob and his girlfriend Lisa. They adopted him from some rescue thingy in Minnesota. Riley looks like he's smirking in the picture, but he's actually got some kind of nerve damage. I hope that his nerve damage was from something nice like a birth canal, not from a mean dude beating him with a stick.

Rob promised that Riley won't eat my puppies when he comes to visit!!!

Hard Test Update

Just because I can't calm down until I tell SOMEBODY what just happened, I am going to torture my blog readers with the following story about my test.

We got our tests back today, and I got 69 out of 113. Yep, that's about the worst I've EVER done on a test in my life. I'm definitely not trying to be arrogant here, because I have this streak of perfectionism that borders on obsessive. Okay, it doesn't even border, it's way out there on the obsessive continuum.

Anyway, I've been actually losing sleep about this test since I bombed it last week, and this morning, seeing that score just about made me vomit. Thank God the prof. put the distribution on the board, so that I could see that 69 was actually the third highest score in the class. Phew.

So fine, now I understand that the professor intentionally makes the exam impossible and then puts it on a curve. Great! But that doesn't excuse the hours of anxiety that this caused me!

Let me give you an example of how confusing this professor is. Here is what he told us to do for part of a homework assignment.

5. [omitted first part of question] Finally, use Emacs to access the man pages on any rectangle commands you used, edit them to remove discussion of any features you did not use, and combine the man page excerpts into a single document showing what rectangle commands and features you used.

Note: He gave us the assignment on September 29 (via email, which I couldn't check until October 2), but didn't explain what the hell "rectangle commands" are until October 3.

I literally spent 5 hours on Oct. 2 working on this homework, which had many other really hard questions, then found out that he had changed the due date from Oct. 5 to October 10. So, yesterday, I again spent 7 hours (I'm not exaggerating) working on the homework. Here is what I came up with for my answer.

Rectangle Commands:

Dr. [name omitted], Is this a trick question? According to both the Unix and the Emacs book, the man pages are only for looking up Unix commands. I looked for rectangle commands and could not find any, so now I assume that Unix doesn't have rectangle commands. Is that correct? I spent quite a long time looking using the following prompts:

m-x man [Enter] r (gives an error message)
m-x man [Enter] R (gives the information for a program named R)
m-x man [Enter] rectangle (gives an error message)
m-x man [Enter] region (gives an error message)

I did use the rectangle command to organize the sessions, but it seemed kindof
redundant because I had already used tab to organize the document into columns.
I guess I'm not understanding what you wanted us to do.

Anyway, here is a description of what I did:
c-x h to select the entire document.
m-x untabify to remove tabs and replace with spaces
c-space to set the mark at the beginning of a column, and moved cursor to end and bottom of column
c-x r k to "kill" the column
c-x r y to "yank" the column (paste)

I hope I can get partial credit for that at least...

Katie


Now, here's the funny part. This morning, I log into my email 15 minutes before the homework needed to be submitted to his electronic mail box on Unix, and find this message:

2. Also, homework 3 asked for the man page on the Emacs rectangle commands, which does not exist (since man pages don't cover
individual Emacs commands). Please substitute the man page for the
cat command instead, unless you've already done something else more
or less equally reasonable instead.

Oh MY GOD! This email was NOT in my inbox yesterday when I was working on this at 7 PM at my dad's spa (because I live in the wilderness and don't have an internet connection!!!)

Okay, end of rant. If you've managed to read this far and feel bad for me, you can send Skittles to make me feel better.

In case you need to brush up on your Marx...

...or if you just thought he was a dead guy with bushy eyebrows like me and need to know what all the profs are talking about in class, you should read this book.

It's even got cartoons.

The future president.

A Night on the Town, and a hard test.

Last night I had to work late so I decided to stay overnight in Madison at my buddy Gina's house. Coincidentally, my friend Kedar was in town. I met Kedar in India while we were both on our Fulbright grants. He's a genius, of course, and now he works for a company that sells "carbon credits" (google it). He and his colleague met me for dinner on State Street, and I felt like I had a bit of a social life at last!

After dinner, Isaac called me bawling because he "just couldn't handle it" that I was not home. Heart...break...

Then I met up with Gina and we took the bus to her house (thank GOD she didn't make me walk again. The girl is all about walking.) I managed to study for a few hours before passing out on her couch (from exhaustion, not drunkenness). THis morning I got to sleep in to a whopping 6:00!! I figured I'd be able to study for my test at work, but it was not to be...

And the test. I did really badly for two reasons:

1) I was over tired, and did not prepare enough. I should have spent some time in the lab on campus going over the commands, but I physically did not have any time! If I had internet at home...whatever.

2) The exam was unreasonable. Who memorizes Unix commands in one week without using them? In real life, when people are learning computers, they usually have a book or notes in front of them that they refer to when they forget a command, but for the test, we were not even allowed to use the computer. We had to write down commands for specific actions. And there were SO MANY commands, and some that we had never gone over in class.

At best I got a C, probably more likely I got a D. Anyone who knows me will understand how freaked out I am about that. But the test is only 10% of the grade, so I can still come out with an A.

Anyway, I'm planning on going to bed IMMEDIATELY upon arriving home. In 4 hours. Wahhh.

A Day in the Life...

2:52 a.m. - Wake up to the sound of dogs barking at the lightening outside. Fall asleep again.

3:45 a.m. - Wake up to the sound of my HORRIBLE alarm clock. Hit snooze and fall asleep again.

3:54 a.m. - Alarm goes off again. Pull myself out of bed and take the dogs outside. Feed the cat. Start the coffee.

4:00 a.m. - Let the dogs back in and watch them run into the bathroom to pee and poop on the floor. Clean up pee and poop.

4:03 a.m. - Shower

4:20 a.m. - Make lunch for Isaac, pack lunch for self: 2 apples, one orange, grapes (I'm on a fruit binge), PB sandwich, 4 mini Snickers, baggie of goldfish crackers, diet coke and water bottle.

4:25 a.m. - Put bagel in toaster, get bags ready - checklist: phone, wallet, books, umbrella.

4:30 a.m. - Blowdry, makeup and finish getting dressed.

4:45 a.m. - Out the door.

5:15 a.m. - Pick up Bonnie and drive together to catch the van.

5:40 a.m. - Fall asleep on the van.

6:40 a.m. - Wake up, jump in the front seat of the van and drive the last leg to school. Park crooked in lot 34.

7:03 a.m. - Stagger into office and check email (this takes an hour).

8:00 a.m. - Study at library. Stats and Unix - exam coming up on Thursday! Read Amartya Sen for Econ class discussion on Wednesday.

9:30 a.m. - Stats 365

11:00 a.m. - Stats 360

12:15 p.m. - Eat lunch outside (quickly), then try to figure out where the "Education Library" is by consulting campus map. Start walking.

12:45 p.m. - Arrive at campus library in time for "RefWorks" workshop.

2:30 p.m. - Rejoice in the discovery of "RefWorks" - sofware that generates a bibliography in APA format!!! Chat with Kasia who is in Bangladesh over Gmail Chat.

3:00 p.m. - Begin walk to lot 34.

3:30 p.m. - Drive van to pick up van poolers.

3:55 p.m. - Get in back seat and try to sleep but talk instead.

4:50 p.m. - Arrive at car. Drop Bonnie off and head home.

5:50 p.m. - Arrive home. Feed Isaac. Feed self. Feed dogs. Feed fish. Feed hermit crabs.

6:45 p.m. - Watch part of DVD from Bangladesh.

7:00 p.m. - Get kicked out of TV room by dad who wants to watch CSI. Refuse to leave and end up wasting an hour watching CSI.

8:00 p.m. - Call Isaac's friend's mom and set up playdate for tomorrow.

8:15 p.m. - Pack overnight bag to spend the night in Madison.

8:30 p.m. - Attempt at cleaning - lasts 30 seconds.

8:31 p.m. - Brush teeth and get into bed.

8:35 p.m. - Get up again to get Isaac's medicine for him. Remember that I have to print test review sheets.

9:00 p.m. - Get back into bed with test review sheets and make a list.

9:30 p.m. - Turn on Enya CD and rub Isaac's back. Talk about the bee sting he got in school today.

10:00 p.m. - Isaac is asleep. Dogs are asleep. I'm almost asleep...

Bipolar disorder.

This time of year in the Midwest is signified by funky weather. It will be 50 degrees one day and 90 the next. Last week I had to scrape frost off of my windshield, and this morning we had the air conditioner on in the van. (note: I was freezing in the van, but I think I might be the only person riding who is not in menopause.) I LOVE this time of year, especially because of the beautiful colors of the leaves. The soybeans in the fields turn a brilliant golden color, the sumac is bright red, and there are litte purple flowers blooming in the ditches by my house.

So, even though I had piles of homework this weekend, I didn't do it until last night. It's a strange combination - I'm a perfectionist when it comes to my performance, but I put things off until the last possible moment and then get stressed out about it. I had Saturday, Sunday AND Monday to finish my piles of homework, but only managed to get about half of it done.

Last night, as I labored over my regression problems for Stats 360, with "Courage the Cowardly Dog" blasting on the TV, I suddenly heard the friendly beep of my phone - a text message! "Hey Chica! I can detect your stress level from here! Hang in there! tkp"

I haven't talked to Tanya for a few weeks, and she lives in Worcester, MA (way far from here), but it's so awesome to have a friend who can empathized thousands of miles away!

I put Isaac to bed, turned off the TV, and knuckled down for the long haul. After kicking some regression butt, I read a few articles on economics, and passed out safely in my warm bed with my boys (Isaac and the dogs). Four hours later, I was on the van, ready to attack another week!

Looks like I'll make it through, bipolarism and all.