Monday, January 03, 2011

I swear I didn't wear that carhart hat to make me look more authentically working class. It's just a really warm hat.

I love to protest things. I don't know how much good it does, but for today, it felt really good to go outside and yell. Today was my first day back to reality after sleeping 14-18 hours per day, watching lots of tv, and eating only cereal for a week. Isaac went back to school and I tried to go back to work.

In addition to attending the protest, I tackled some of the most important things on my to-do list, but I still have a scary pile to go through and some big projects to finish in the next two weeks. I wish I could find a happy medium between the hyper relaxation (best oxymoron ever?) of last week and the anxiety of today. Why is it so difficult for me to do things in moderation?

My gut hurts all the time, and I don't think the acid blockers are working. I am going vegan for a month to see what happens. It hurts that bad. I should also stop smoking and drinking diet coke, but that is really a lot of hard changes. I am close. Last time I quit both of those things, it really didn't help. Honest. But I'm almost ready to try again. Maybe.

Isaac got his spacers put in for his first orthodontic device today. Spacers hurt worse than the actual braces. Poor guy. He needed a nurturing mom, but I was exhausted all day and didn't do much for him beyond giving him painkillers. And now I feel guilty. Apparently he told Masud that I sleep all the time. I don't think that's quite fair but I do sleep a lot during the afternoon. Just naps though. I'm tired, I can't help it.

And now it's 11:44 pm and I'm blogging. Guilt, self-loathing, procrastination. It's what I do best.

Sunday, January 02, 2011

I cannot hang.

I went to a NYE concert with my younger sister and her young friends. I have to admit, I was not able to keep up. I had to stay in at 2 am when they wanted to go out again. They came back at 7, i'm so grateful for those few extra hours of sleep.

Alcohol, stupid alcohol. So socially acceptable yet so rough on my organic tissues. I must figure out a way to party with people who drink and not end up the stick-in-the-mud mother figure, safely herding them home. It's actually quite a problem, especially in this college town.

I am not going to make a New Year Resolution because I know I won't keep it, but I'm making a pledge to drastically reduce my dairy intake for the month. I cannot handle this stomach rot anymore and the drugs are not working, and I don't want to have a camera shoved down or up any orafi.

Countdown to my student loan check....hopefully I will have it in the next 10 days. I think about it every hour or so. Tomorrow I'm going to sell my plasma. Worth it? We'll see.

I can't stop watching Kanye West's "Runaway" movie. Good shit.