Reader Poll

How long past the expiration date is it ok to eat yogurt? It smells okay...but it expired on the 20th.

Also, let it be known that I kicked some serious to-do list ass today.

Things that happened recently:

• Holy crap, I got busy.
• Isaac was sick and I missed an entire week of school and work.
• I forgot how to skim articles over the break.
  
• I rearranged my bedroom instead of doing school work. It looks great though.
• I stopped drinking coffee and I'm working on quitting Diet Coke, too. (Chemicals, packaging, price, who needs it??)
• I'm almost ready for a new tattoo.
• Isaac and I saw the Gilded Bats live. I'll post pictures as soon as I have time. Isaac totally busted a move, I wish I had video.
• I love my new classes. I will be a methodology expert at the end of this semester.
• I'm going to Las Vegas next week for a conference! I can't wait!!
  

Looz Moshun (Bangla for Diarrhea)

Or "The Awesome Weekend that Wasn't"

OK, so it wasn't a complete wash. I enjoyed watching my dad (and my friends) act in the Montello Community Theater (now known as Standing Room Only Players) production of Lend Me A Tenor. But there was a lot of barfin' and poopin' and feverin' and now there's snottin' and coughin'. I'm hoping this is the only sickness we have to get for the semester. Seriously, yuk.

PLUS, I rear-ended somebody yesterday because of the icy roads and my anti-lock brakes.

PLUS, classes started today and I wasn't ready yet.

Whine whine whine.

Kitchen Angst

Does everybody know how much I hate cooking? Baking is ok - it's like a chemistry experiment. You just put the stuff together in the correct proportions and *shazam* it comes out nice. Cooking is another story. Not only do you have to assemble ingredients in the proper proportions, you have to adjust heat, add seasoning and then taste it throughout the process and change it if necessary. This is too much for me. Perhaps because of my negative attitude, I am a horrible cook.

I also hate grocery shopping because I can never think of anything to buy. My fridge is almost completely empty except for 3 limes, 4 grapefruits and a drawer full of oranges. (All of that citrus is great but I've had the flu for the past 24 hours and I'm not sure it's the best choice right now.) I have no cereal, no bread, no frozen waffles. Isaac is on the couch with a 103 fever and a bucket for barf, so I don't foresee a grocery store trip today. I'm kind of hoping that he doesn't have an appetite so I don't have to figure out what to feed him.

The last complaint I have about kitchens is the never-ending task of washing dishes. This week I let them go for 5 days, but yesterday I realized that it was probably a health risk, so I tackled the pile. It took an hour. There was some rotten broccoli in the sink that was making the house smell like fart. Now I'm staring at the mound of clean dishes that need to be put away, as well as the collection of dirty dishes that I found around the house after I was "done" washing last night.

Maybe I need a wife.

Grad Skool Rulz

Wow. Look what I just found.

Question for Parents of 2nd Grade Boys (and Girls)*

The first week of January was fun because I spent every minute of it with Isaac. He didn't have school and I took off work so we could hang out. We really had a lot of fun. By Tuesday I was able to relax and get over the fact that I wasn't going to get any work done at ALL that week, and I embraced the moment. We did have some mutually frustrating moments but we also enjoyed each other's company.

Anyway, I noticed that Isaac's FJP (Fart Joke Percentage)** was increasing. These usually consist of some variation of "Oops, I farted!" (occasionally accompanied by sound effects). At first I wondered if he was having some kind of bowel trouble. He's been known to not poop until reminded.*** But by the second day, I figured out that he was joking.

Here's my question: Is the fart joke ubiquitous in 2nd grade? Do boys AND girls joke about it excessively? Is it an easy way to develop one's comedic ability? What are your thoughts?

I personally find fart jokes hilarious. Audible public slippage is enough to make me snort. The whoopee cushion is one of my favorite gags. But I don't walk around blowing on my arm and saying, "Awwww, that was a JUICY one!" or "Beans, beans, the musical fruit...." It certaily doesn't offend me (I think it's hilarious when he does it in public but I give him stern looks anyway), but it gets a tad old.

Lori in MN - what does your Isaac do? Who else has a 2nd grader?

*I referenced girls in the title because I hope that changing gender norms will make this question applicable to girls AND boys - I don't think that preoccupation with bodily functions is a purely male trait.

**FJP is the number of fart jokes as a proportion of all jokes (unintelligible knock-knocks, alternate nonsensical responses to "Why did the chicken cross the road?", and jokes involving other bodily functions).

***Will Isaac hate me for this post if he ever reads it?

Isaac's first song

The Domestic Nemesis gave Isaac his first guitar lesson yesterday. He was practicing strumming his C chord tonight and we came up with this song:

Impeach Bush in C
(To the tune of Hot Cross Buns)

Impeach Bush! Impeach Bush!
He's a crook! He's a liar!
Impeach Bush!

Not bad, eh?

Weekend Highlights

Self Portrait Between the Borderline of Mexico and the United States

Date: 1932
(source)

After seeing many of her works in person, I decided that this is my favorite Frida Kahlo painting. It used to be one called "What I Saw In the Water", but that one wasn't in the exhibit.

I went to visit my brother and sister in law in MN this weekend. Here's the breakdown by the numbers.

Hours in the car with Isaac and my mom: 12
Times Isaac asked if we were there yet: 42,000
Times we listened to the Gilded Bats CD (Isaac's fave): 7.5
Excellent Thai meals: 1
Excellent Indian meals: 1
Calories consumed: 12,582
Hours spent waiting in line to see the Frida Kahlo exhibit at the Walker: 1.5
Items I wanted to buy from the Walker gift shop but didn't: 3
Times I played "Rock Band" with Rob: 12
Times I won: 0


Other highlights: Rob and Lisa's pets are hilarious. I think I've mentioned Riley (the yellow lab) before, but he is such a clown. He craves belly rubs and begs for them by laying down with his belly up if you pause in any location for more than 5 seconds. He also thinks he's a lap dog even though I bet he weighs more than 80 lbs. Their cats (Kitty and Jasper) are pretty oblivious to the humans usually, unless somebody goes to the bathroom. Jasper comes in the bathroom and Kitty stays outside and they make a game of sticking their paws under the door at each other. It's hilarious.

Also, Rob and Lisa's Xmas tree was HUGE. Seriously it was maybe 12 feet tall.

And we drove back in the worst fog I've ever seen in my life. Zero visibility. I heard this morning that there was a 100 car pile-up on the interstate here in Madison. Two people died. Yikes.

What Privileges Do I Have?

From the list below, I have bolded those which apply to me. (Most of these are thanks to my mom. Mom, you rock.)

(via anomie)

1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home
9. Were read children’s books by a parent.
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively.
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18.
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs.
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs.
16. Went to a private high school.
17. Went to summer camp.
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18.
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18.
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them.
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child.
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house.
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home.
25. You had your own room as a child.
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18.
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course.
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school.
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college.
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16.
31. Went on a cruise with your family.
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family.
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up.
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family. (Dude, my dad split wood and we had a wood burning furnace.)


Copyright: Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka , "From What Privileges Do You Have?" Illinois State University

The Best Sledding Hill in the Universe.

I used to love sledding. We had this slope behind our house that was part of a cornfield and my brother and I would make sledding tracks when the snow was the right kind, and it was pretty fun. We also went to a big hill at a local golf course where we could rent these things called Ski-Bobs (kind of bikes on skis). That was fun too.

I have never taken Isaac sledding because he hates big slides. The last time I took him down a big slide, he almost passed out from fear, and Masud nearly killed me. But I figured the walk to the hill would be good for us, so we went today.

Sometimes I'm glad I have a wimpy kid because I hate watching athletic events. I doubt he'll go out for sports of any kind. This upcoming semester, we're enrolled in the following extra-curriculars: Italian class, guitar lessons, acting classes (with the Madison Children's Theater), and the chess club. Also, I don't have to worry about broken bones. Well, that's a lie, I always worry, but Isaac is way safer than the kids who went barreling down the icy snowboard jumps without thinking about how to stop.

Anyway, I'm newly medicated so my anxiety was in check, and it was so much fun. We both got some good runs in, and there was only one minor head injury and one near collision. If I start slurring my words, call 911.

And we both ran up that hill 50 times...great exercise!! The hill is right next to Isaac's school and it's called Bradley Park. It's the perfect sledding hill for scared people like me. We're going as much as we can until the snow melts!!



And now we're snuggled on the couch with hot cocoa and tea, and we're watching Return of the King. What a perfect day.