Carb Orgy

Since I don't eat meat, I generally glut on carbs during the holidays. Yesterday I enjoyed a plate full of the worst simple carbohydrates possible...rolls, potatoes, stuffing...and complemented it with my grandma's special cranberry/orange salad and about a quart of dill pickles. Then I polished it off with the pumpkin pie I made - not too shabby although the crust was hard as cardboard.

It was nice to have my family here. We all squeezed into the living room, and I forgot to take pictures. I am usually really good about taking pictures but this year I spaced out. Oh well, I'm sure there will be another chance at Christmas. We opened a bottle of wine, which was apparently very potent, because Masud needed a three hour nap after guzzling a glass. I stuck to beer - wine gives me a headache.

Although I swore to myself several years ago that I would never go shopping on the day after Thanksgiving again, I needed to get some clothes so I braved the mall. It was horrible and I hurt myself on someone's stroller. Why on earth would any sane mother take her young children shopping on a day like today? Please tell me? The sales are not even that great!!

Anyways, the reason that I needed to buy clothes is a good one. Ladies and gentlemen, you will all be relieved to know that I am no longer a HOUSEWIFE. Yes, as of 5:30 on Wednesday, I am the County Prevention Coordinator! I am starting on Monday at 11:33 a.m., when I will board a plane for DC and attend two days of mandatory training for the grant that supports my salary. Talk about hitting the ground running! I am spending the weekend reading pages and pages of goals and objectives, trying to familiarize myself with the substance abuse prevention program I will be implementing over the next five years.

Masud is very happy that he's not the sole breadwinner anymore, and I'm happy to be able to contribute to the family money pot. I really think I'll like this job - it's exactly what I went to school for (and why I should not be using dangling prepositions in my writing). Plus, I don't have to drive very far, only about 15 minutes. Let's hear it for short commutes! And free trips to DC!

In other news, Isaac lost another tooth today. He has a bit of a lisp!

Today's List

I'm allowing myself a blog post as long as I can do it while I finish my morning cuppa. There's a lot to do around here and it appears that I am the only one here to do it. Thanksgiving dinner is to be held at my house, and that means I need to make it grandma-proof by the end of tomorrow - not an easy task when we're in rennovation mode!

Here is my to do list, in no particular order:

1) Finish painting the bedroom walls.
2) Paint bedroom trim.
3) Move furniture where it belongs.
4) Organize the house so that people can walk through it without breaking a hip.
5) Shorten (and iron) my new curtains for the living room so they don't ignite on the baseboard heater.
6) Find a clean surface on which to place my small tinsel tree (Thanksgiving tradition - put tree up after we eat).
7) Vacuum and mop (Uggggg)
8) Laundry
9) Go to second job interview at 2:15
10) Wrap presents that will be prizes in our family bingo game.
11) Figure out where to seat 10 people. (Scrounge up some plates.)
12) Buy ingredients for pumpkin pie (mmmmmm).
13) Make pumpkin pie.

I hate to end my post on that unlucky number, but I just got a mouthful of coffee grounds, so that must mean I'm done.

Stay tuned for cute pictures of Isaac, who lost his first tooth yesterday!

Bangladeshi people are happy people.

A friend of mine emailed me this BBC story about a survey that they conducted in Bangladesh. I was already aware of most of the findings, but the last page reminded me of something I used to say all the time. "Bangladeshi people are some of the poorest in the world, but despite that fact, they are happy."

I stopped saying that after I spent nine months there, because I saw a lot of sadness and grief. Honestly, it's very hard to be happy when you are starving. Yes, people that I met briefly - rickshaw-wallahs, taxi drivers, guards - spoke of their happiness and pride in their country. They would always ask me, "English Madam, what do you think of my country?" I would reply that I love Bangladesh, and watch their face brighten in a shining smile of white teeth. They would tell me how happy they are.

But there were people that I got to know on a more intimate level - my friends at Nari Jibon, Momota - who helped me take care of Isaac, the house girls that lived with me in Malibag - they showed me the dark side of living in poverty. It is a place where happiness lies in usually unattainable things like safety, regular meals, a new outfit - things we take for granted every day in the US.

What I realized from this survey, which says that "70% of those canvassed agreed with the statement 'I am happy with my life today'," is that maybe this display of happiness has more to do with national pride and religious beliefs than actual happiness. Bangladeshis are very proud of their country - and rightfully so, since they fought so hard for it in 1971. They want bideshis (foreigners) to have a good impression of their country. Muslims believe that all the things that happen in our lives - both good and bad - are the will of Allah. Being unhappy with what Allah has given us would be a terrible and disrespectful sin. Many times, during times of hardship, I've heard people say, "It is the grace of Allah. It is the mercy of Allah. Allah knows what's best. Jak - Allah-Barashah"

Sometimes I do wonder - if, by some miracle, the grinding poverty, social inequality, corruption and tendency towards natural disasters could be lifted from Bangladesh, how would that change the expression of happiness in Bangladesh. What a glorious thought - to see the hopeful happiness that they project become reality.

A Messy House

Here is what I am dealing with - we have to paint the walls before we can put in the floor, and we have to put in the floor before we put stuff away. So it's a mess in here. To prove it, here are some pictures.



The living room is a dark chocolate brown. Very yummy. I need to install some lights eventually, but it's coming out nicely.




Isaac's room is DONE - even the floor is in! He loves it. He's a neat freak and the messiness in the rest of the house was driving him bananas.




We chose a color called "Greench" for our office. It's a celery green. We have started calling this "The Kermit Room".




Our bedroom will be the last to be finished, since it will require taking apart our mammoth bed. I thought I wanted to paint it blue, but I'm sick of blue. Now I'm considering grey - I think I need a muted color to go with my bright wall hangings. Any advice?

I'm Feeling Lucky

Things are coming along nicely with our house...Isaac's room is done, the living room is painted, the office is almost painted, and hopefully we will lay the floor for both the office and living room this weekend. That will help a lot with the small, dangerous piles of rubble that cover the floors. We have to wear our shoes in the house - a cultural taboo in Bangladesh, but a necessary evil here.

I'm not quite up to writing a witty post yet, so bear with me. In the mean time you may want to entertain yourself with this little trick that my brother told me about. Go to Google and type "failure" in the search field. Click on the "I'm feeling lucky" button. (If you have the Google Toolbar, click on the arrow of the search button and scroll down to "I'm Feeling Lucky".)

When the page comes up, please come back here and tell me what you think about the results. Was it a hacker? Does somebody at Google have it out for Bush? Whatever the case, it's pretty funny.

Do you know about this?

Thanks to Zeenat, who gave me another reason to procrastinate.

PostSecret

List Mania (written on Friday...finally got around to posting!)

1. I’m too pooped to think of a theme for today’s post, so I’m going with another disjointed list. Living in a cluttered mess has definitely affected my gray matter.
2. Belated Eid Mubarak to all my Muslim friends! Eid was a bummer this year at our house – all I had time/energy to cook was some polau and meatballs. To tell you the truth, since I didn’t fast at all this year, I didn’t even realize it was Eid until my brother-in-law called. Masud’s sister Maya is really sick and in the hospital, so a somber attitude prevails in all of our Eid phone conversations.
3. Congratulations to my friend Wendy who got engaged last weekend!!! I’m already looking forward to the wedding. I’m planning to eat lots of cake.
4. I’ve been working in my dad’s gym all week so he can do things like install my natural gas water heater, my washer and dryer hookups, and figure out what the gross smell is coming from the back porch (my guess is: Dead Mouse). Since I’m here anyway, I’ve actually been exercising. I’d love to tell you that I feel great and will definitely keep it up, but that’s a lie.
5. I bought some paint for the bedrooms. I chose a slate blue – darker for our bedroom and lighter for Isaac’s. I thought it was a nice twilight color, sleep conducive, but I painted a 2-foot section and decided it looks more like a dungeon than anything. I bought another gallon of white and I’m going to try some mixing this weekend.
6. Still no news on a job for me. Sigh. I sent in my fingerprints and essential info with $100, so hopefully soon I’ll get my substitute teaching license.
7. Kathy Ward is going to Bangladesh on November 22. I’m jealous, and I really miss my friends there. I miss my friends in Minnesota, too. Lots of missing.
8. Isaac informed me that if he had a magic lamp with a genie in it, he would wish that he never had to go to school again. Apparently worksheets are boring.
9. I am sick AGAIN! I have had three consecutive colds in the past month and a half, all of them with their own special ickyness. I have the feeling that all the carpet removal will help. We bought some of that fake wood flooring and we’re excited to start laying it down this weekend.
10. A woman came into my dad’s gym yesterday while I was there – she is a little older than my mom. Her daughter, who was a little older than me, was killed in a car accident last week. Reality check.

More proof of my maternal unworthiness.

Kids ask lots of questions. Sometimes it gets tiring, even annoying. Sometimes I make up the answers.

One of Isaac's favorite questions to ask is what things do. For example, yesterday we were driving to mom's house, and he said, "Mom, what do cars do?" I know that he means "How does a car work, who invented cars, what makes them move, why do we have to put gas in them, etc etc etc". So I make up a story about how internal combustion engines work and usually try to throw in some kind of moral to the story, like how hybrid cars are better for the environment and cheaper in the long run.

At some point, probably long ago, Isaac asked me what moths "do". When he wasn't satisfied with my answer of "Eat, sleep and poop", he said, "No, mom, what do they DO?"

Apparently, I then said, "They suck out your brains." This had to be more than a year ago, and he didn't mention it until last night.

We were walking out of my parents' house, it was dark, and there were moths flying around the porch light. He started running and screaming. I said, "What the heck, Isaac, what's wrong?" (Side note: Is it ok to say "What the heck" to a kid?) He said, "They are going to suck out my brain!!!" It took me fifteen minutes in the car to calm him down enough so we could drive home. When we got home, we googled "moth" and I showed him that moths don't suck people's brains out. But I couldn't resist saying, "The kind of moths that suck people's brains out only live in central North America."

"Mom, do we live close to central North America?"

I'm back...with a new wireless DSL router!

Lots to report, so here's a convenient numbered list.

1. I am officially the worst mom in the world. I dropped Isaac off at school this morning, all the while saying to myself "Katie you have to remember that today is early release, that means he gets out at 2:40, so be here early." Well, at 2:53, there I was unpacking a box of plates, when the phone rang. I answered, and it was the school secretary (also a friend of mine) who said, "Hello, is this Katie, the mother of the year?" Poor Isaac was sitting in the hallway waiting for me. Aughhh!

2. I have avoided my usually Halloween candy binge this year, probably because I've been so busy cleaning, unpacking and basically trying not to lose my own head in the mess that is my house. I did buy a bag of Willy Wonka's mixed candy today - all the greats: Sweetarts, Runts, Laffy Taffy, Bottlecaps and Nerds, in small single serving packages. Halloween is great.

3. I still like our house. At the closing, the seller Mr. Zellmer signed everything and then told us that he had installed a new furnace. Everyone in the room - the realtor, the mortgage officer, the title company official - was speechless. We had already signed all the papers three weeks prior that said we would buy the house as is, and Mr. Zellmer went and spent a few thousand dollars to replace the furnace out of the kindness of his heart. It gave me hope for the human race.

4. Mr. Zellmer also gave us three lawn mowers (the yard is tiny but he says three lawn mowers were necessary), a snow blower, two vacuums and a carpet steamer, a dresser, a bed, a rad vintage sofa (I have started calling it the "davenport"), four lazy boys, a desk, a table and chairs, two chest freezers, a refrigerator and a stove. Seriously.

5. Isaac has bronchitis and some kind of stomach bug. He has to use an inhaler and he is on amoxicillin. (Does anyone elses children turn into demon spawn when they are on amoxicillin?)

6. My brother came back safely from China. He really wants to move there now. I hope he does, cuz then I'll get to visit him.

7. My grandpa walks his dog, Chips, down in front of my house every morning. He stands there and talks to me and doesn't notice that Chips is pooping on my lawn. I feel bad to mention it, so I come out later with a baggie and clean up. Ewww.

8. I can't believe that last year at this time I was in Comilla. They ran a picture in the local paper of John Kerry campaigning in Milwaukee - he was standing in front of some beautiful autumn leaves - and I remember feeling so homesick! It's good to be here, George W. and all.

Brief Hiatus

Last post from Minnesota!

Since my DSL will be cut off momentarily and I'll be consumed with unpacking for the next few days (weeks, years?), my next post may be delayed.



Masud is here for the weekend. Most of everything we own is crammed into our living room and kitchen, since I'm trying to have the rest of the house nice and clean before we leave. It's causing some familial strife, and reminds me of that Sex and the City episode where Aiden has moved all of his boxes into Carrie's apartment and they have a fight about it. During a particularily tense spousal conversation, Masud said, "There is just too much stuff to deal with in this family!" I wasn't sure if he was talking about material posessions or emotional baggage, or both. Whatever he meant, I know we are both looking forward to having a normal life and living together as a family again someday soon.

In other news, my brother made is safely to the other side of the world, and is enjoying a good time with his girlfriend. When I asked him how China was, he said "There are a lot of Chinese people here." Sigh.

And, of course since I am busy for the first time in months, I just now happened to find a great book to read - one of those that I have to force myself to put down so that I can finish doing important things. Although I'm usually skeptical of Oprah's book club selections, I had to pick up "A Million Tiny Pieces" by James Frey. Let me tell you, it's a doozey. It's an autobiographical account of his experiences in rehab. I won't reveal too much, but there is a part where he has to get a double root canal, and since he's in rehab, he can't have ANY ANESTHESIA. Not even one little shot. I almost threw up when I read it.

Well, back to staring helplessly at piles of junk and eating kitkats to sustain myself.

Do you care about my pictures?

Check out Isaac's new hairstyle! He is SO RAD!

Rob used to have a natural mohawk - no gel needed. Mom called it his "rooster". Rob is supposed to be flying to China tomorrow - if the UPS guy came with his visa and passport today, that is.

This is a picture of the house we are trying to buy. October 17 is a possible closing date. I've got my fingers crossed!

This is the two-car garage that comes with our house. The part on the left converts into a screened-in patio in the summer. Rad.

This weekend was Princeton's Harvest Moon Festival. The drama group from Montello High School did a "living statues" thing to raise money. They stood still until somebody put money in their little buckets, and then they would move around. This dude actually made his own armor. He's rad.

Page was the Tin Man. Those pants are not flattering.

A conversation.

Isaac: Mom, will you spike up my hair into a mohawk today?
Me: Sure, dude! That will be rad! What do you think your friends at school will say?
Isaac: They will say, "What happened to your hair?"
Me: What will you say?
Isaac: I'm RAD!
Me: What if they don't know what RAD means?
Isaac: I'll have to 'splain it to them. It means I'm a cool dude.


Rock on, Isaac. Rock on.

Another day, another box.

As moving day (theoretically) gets closer, I spent the day packing and stacking boxes. Masud's little Subaru has a surprising amount of space in it, so all the boxes I spent last week packing up have been carted off to Wisconsin already. I am leaving tomorrow afternoon, so I got busy and made a new pile. It seems like I've made some headway, although I am still intimidated by the mountains of things that I own. I am going home this week because I have an interview - a real one for a real job that I really want - on Thursday. I'm incredibly nervous. Being rejected for the flunky jobs is not bad, but not getting the job I went to school in hopes of getting, that would be a blow. I'm kindof expecting that I WON'T get the job. They scheduled me at the very end of the day, so I'm the last interviewee. Do you think that means they are saving the best for last? I doubt it. But I bought a snazzy new outfit yesterday in hopes of winning them over with style. I'll let you know if it works.

My mother-in-law left on Saturday. She is now basking in the California sun with my brother in law Mithu. I do miss having her here at night - it gets a little bit spooky here, especially with the bright red neon cross that they light up on top of hte Lutheran Church. It shines this red glow through my bedroom windows and makes me think of Satan. Scary.

In other news, since our bank loan has been approved I can officially announce that we are buying a house. We found this adorable tiny place on Main Street in Montello. It's an old two bedroom with just enough space for the three of us. It has a rad little garage that turns into a screened in patio in the summer. If I can remember to take my camera when we go home, I'll try to post some pics. We are just waiting for the bank's appraiser to make sure it's not a dump, and we can move in. I am HOPING that it won't be any later than next week Monday. PLEASE GOD, I hate being in limbo. Geez, I'm such a complainer!

Egad! Time to run up to school and get Isaac. Where did the day go???

Top 100 Hits of 1994 (The year I graduated from HS)

Now you will all know how bored I am. This is another one of those cute blog things. If you like the idea, post it on your own blog. Go to a site called Musical Outfitters, and type the year you graduated in the search box. It will give you a list of the top 100 songs for that year. Next, go through and bold the songs you liked, strikethrough the songs you hate, and leave the ones you are indifferent about. Thanks to Zeenat for the strikethrough code!

1. The Sign, Ace Of Base
2. I Swear, All-4-One
3. I'll Make Love To You, Boyz II Men
4. The Power Of Love, Celine Dion
5. Hero, Mariah Carey
6. Stay (I Missed You), Lisa Loeb and Nine Stories
7. Breathe Again, Toni Braxton
8. All For Love, Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart and Sting
9. All That She Wants, Ace Of Base
10. Don't Turn Around, Ace Of Base
11. Bump N' Grind, R. Kelly
12. Again, Janet Jackson
13. I'll Remember, Madonna
14. Whatta Man, Salt-N-Pepa
15. Wild Night, John Mellencamp and Me'shell Ndegeocello
16. Without You / Never Forget You, Mariah Carey
17. You Mean The World To Me, Toni Braxton
18. Can You Feel The Love Tonight, Elton John
19. The Most Beautiful Girl In The World, Prince Symbol
20. Fantastic Voyage, Coolio 21. Baby I Love Your Way, Big Mountain
22. Regulate, Warren G and Nate Dogg
23. If You Go, Jon Secada
24. Back and Forth, Aaliyah
25. Now And Forever, Richard Marx
26. When Can I See You, Babyface
27. Please Forgive Me, Bryan Adams
28. So Much In Love, All-4-One
29. Shoop, Salt-N-Pepa
30. Any Time, Any Place / And On And On, Janet Jackson
31. Shine, Collective Soul
32. Said I Loved You...But I Lied, Michael Bolton
33. Return To Innocence, Enigma
34. All I Wanna Do, Sheryl Crow
35. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm, Crash Test Dummies
36. Can We Talk, Tevin Campbell
37. Funkdafied, Da Brat
38. I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That), Meat Loaf
39. Gangsta Lean, Drs
40. Because The Night, 10,000 Maniacs
41. Cantaloop, US3
42. Whoomp! (There It Is), Tag Team (Ok I admit, I liked this song for 10 5 minutes.)
43. Come To My Window, Melissa Etheridge
44. Stroke You Up, Changing Faces
45. I'm Ready, Tevin Campbell
46. 100% Pure Love, Crystal Waters
47. Anytime You Need A Friend, Mariah Carey
48. Because Of Love, Janet Jackson
49. Linger, Cranberries
50. Loser, Beck
51. Found Out About You, Gin Blossoms
52. Gin And Juice, Snoop Doggy Dogg
53. Never Lie, Immature
54. Streets Of Philadelphia, Bruce Springsteen
55. Getto Jam, Domino
56. Endless Love, Luther Vandross and Mariah Carey
57. I Miss You w/ Aaron Hall 58, Understanding, Xscape
59. This D.J., Warren G
60. Cry For You, Jodeci
61. Keep Ya Head Up, 2Pac
62. Who Am I (What's My Name?), Snoop Doggy Dogg
63. Another Night, Real McCoy
64. Your Body's Callin', R. Kelly
65. Tootsee Roll, 69 Boyz
66. I Can See Clearly Now, Jimmy Cliff
67. Never Keeping Secrets, Babyface
68. Crazy, Aerosmith
70. At Your Best (You Are Love), Aaliyah
71. Rock And Roll Dreams Come Through, Meat Loaf
72 Amazing, Aerosmith
73. Always, Erasure
74. Groove Thang, Zhane
75. Dreams, Gabrielle
76. Mr. Vain, Culture Beat
77. Mary Jane's Last Dance, Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers
78. Anything, SWV
79. Beautiful In My Eyes, Joshua Kadison
80. Stay, Eternal
81. Flava In Ya Ear, Craig Mack
82. U.N.I.T.Y., Queen Latifah
83. Prayer For The Dying, Seal
84. Secret, Madonna
85. Here Comes The Hotstepper, Ini Kamoze
86. Everyday, Phil Collins
87. Don't Take The Girl, Tim McGraw
88. Got Me Waiting, Heavy D and The Boyz
89. December 1963 (Oh, What A Night), Four Seasons
90. Indian Outlaw, Tim McGraw
91. Always, Bon Jovi
92. I'm The Only One, Melissa Etheridge
93. Back In The Day, Ahmad
94. Love Sneakin' Up On You, Bonnie Raitt
95. I'll Take You There, General Public
96. Always In My Heart, Tevin Campbell
97. What Is Love, Haddaway
98. And Our Feelings, Babyface
99. Bop Gun (One Nation), Ice Cube
100. I Wanna Be Down, Brandy

Color Quiz = Scarily Accurate

Katie took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Needs release from stress. Longs for peace, tranqu..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Food-aholics unite.

I think I wet my pants a little when I read this part of a post from Lightning Bug's Butt.

"Have you ever been eating food so good that you suddenly wish you had two stomachs? Or maybe a valve that could divert the food away from your belly and through an escape hatch. Some food tastes so good, I want to eat it alone. I don’t want anybody around who might talk to me and interrupt the mouth-loading process. Don’t talk to me. I’ve got a bucket of bite-sized cream puffs. Vocal communication will reduce throughput by 30%."

Drat! The networks want to ruin my life!

Since I had a kid and relenquished the TV to shows like Thomas the Tank Engine, Between the Lions and Spiderman, I have not been a very loyal tv watcher. When I was in jr. high/high school, I used to buy a copy of TV Guide once a year, when the new fall season started, and I would chart out my weekly tv watching schedule. That was back in the day when they didn't switch the schedule every other week. Anyway, I just happen to be very interested in three new shows this season, and imagine my sadness to discover that they are all on at the same time! This is a disaster.

Tonight the lineup is as follows:

8:00 p.m. (Central Time) CBS: The Amazing Race, Family Edition



8:00 p.m. (Central Time) ABC: Commander in Chief



8:00 p.m. (Central Time) NBC: My Name is Earl (and at 8:30, another good show, The Office)


And tonight, just to make it even harder to decide which show to tape, Isaac is performing the JWP school song and the Star Spangled Banner at the Homecoming Volleyball Game - his first public performance - and it's at...8:00 p.m.

Masud's favorite show is called "House" and it's on Fox. Guess what time: 8:00 p.m. central time, Tuesdays. The world is not fair.

I can only hope that they switch up the schedule again. If anyone from the networks is reading this, I can afford about an hour a night to watch TV, so please, PLEASE spread these out over a couple of nights!

100 Things About Me

1. I am messy, but germ free.
2. I make to do lists and rarely complete them.
3. I’m really glad that I had a boy.
4. I don’t have a lot of friends.
5. I don’t want a lot of friends.
6. I can speak Bangla, and can sort of read and write it.
7. When I’m alone, I sing loudly and badly.
8. I think farts and poop jokes are hilarious.
9. I was a PK.
10. I graduated from high school when I was 17.
11. I can’t handle tooth pain.
12. I hate cooking, but am happy when something I cook is good.
13. My favorite food is dill pickles.
14. I wish I was brave enough to shave my head.
15. I have a tattoo on my back that I want to get fixed because it’s ugly.
16. I think people that have their tongues pierced are cool.
17. I think bellybutton piercings are gross.
18. I grew up Republican.
19. My husband is approximately 9 years older than me.
20. I can tell if I like a new person within 5 minutes of meeting them.
21. I am not a vegetarian because I feel bad for animals. Meat is gross.
22. I’m addicted to sugar.
23. My dream is to have a job that allows me to travel all over the world.
24. I don’t want to be rich, I just want enough.
25. I lie to people when I think the truth will hurt their feelings.
26. I have decided that I don’t hate math.
27. I want to start playing the piano again.
28. I want my son to become a doctor or the first minority President of the US.
29. I started reading when I was four.
30. I can recite all the presidents of the US.
31. I can recite all the books of the Bible.
32. My next goal is to learn Spanish.
33. Most of the time, I want to lose 25 lbs, but sometimes I like my pudgy self.
34. I want to adopt a child in maybe 10 years.
35. I’m scared to go to graduate school.
36. I love doing laundry, but hate doing dishes.
37. I want to see Tori Amos in concert before I die.
38. I have a crush on Ewan McGregor.
39. I don’t think it’s wrong to burn CDs from your friends.
40. I hope my son becomes a skateboarding dude.
41. I want to take martial arts lessons.
42. I like to drive 5 speed cars.
43. I believe in aliens.
44. I envy people who don’t care what others think.
45. I like brussel sprouts.
46. I don’t like mushrooms.
47. I have huge feet.
48. I don’t have a gallbladder.
49. I love reading bedtime stories.
50. I don’t like wine.
51. I enjoy cheesy tv shows like “American Idol”.
52. I’m addicted to Diet Coke.
53. I’m ashamed of some things I’ve done in the past.
54. My favorite color (presently) is red.
55. I want to design my own clothing line.
56. I miss painting and drawing.
57. I want to learn how to make stuff out of wood.
58. My best feature is my nose.
59. My nose is pierced.
60. I was really mean to my brother when we were little.
61. I was awesome to my sister when she was little.
62. I think my sister is really cool.
63. I like girl bands.
64. On my 21st birthday, I didn’t get to drink because I was in Bangladesh.
65. I oppose the death penalty.
66. I think all guns should be banned.
67. I gag when I clean the bathroom.
68. I’ve never, ever gone to a bar and gotten drunk. Not once.
69. I’ve gotten drunk in plenty of other places, though.
70. I never wanted to get married or have kids.
71. Many things that have happened in my life were a result of inertia.
72. I am really close to my mom.
73. I’m really afraid of the dark.
74. I have an anxiety problem.
75. I have told people that I hate them.
76. I used to get lots of speeding tickets.
77. My last speeding ticket was in 2001.
78. I have never had a car accident (while I was driving).
79. I have bad credit.
80. I can’t handle being a stay-at-home-mom.
81. If I don’t have something to worry about, my brain shuts down.
82. I break a lot of dishes on accident.
83. I hate wearing makeup.
84. I won $1000 at a casino after betting $2 in a slot machine.
85. I love butt massage.
86. I buy lots of books that I don’t have time to read.
87. I read 6 books at a time.
88. I loathe exercise but want to be physically fit.
89. I think mowing the lawn is stupid.
90. I collect statues of the Hindu god Ganesh.
91. I want to save the world.
92. I rarely shave my legs, and I have more body hair than some men.
93. I also rarely wear shorts.
94. I hate wearing skirts.
95. I wore only men’s pants until I had a baby and grew hips.
96. I have had 2 operations in my life so far.
97. I am afraid of death.
98. I want everyone to like me.
99. I had braces.
100. I think it is vain of me to assume that people want to know 100 things about me.

The Barbara Bush Blues

(reprinted from The Star Tribune, Sunday, September 25, 2005. Page AA6)

By Rohan Preston, Star Tribune Staff Writer

"So many of the [displaced] people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this [chuckle], this is working very well for them." -Barbara Bush, Houston, September 2005

Poor people everywhere:
hope for disaster, displacement, flood,
pray for mudslides, earthquakes, wildfires -
for that's when the going really gets good!

Pray to be flushed out of your home -
to watch it float away to rot:
pray to end up in the Astrodome
on a little Red Cross cot.

Away from the 'hood, you get nutritious food
and free dental care;
you get coupons to hoity-toity salons
that can scrub the goo from your hair.

You get clean clothes, deodorant soap
and warm water to wash;
you get all this and most every wish -
plus a tidy bit of cash.

True, you may lose some of your little bums
and your minimum-wage job,
but these are just blips: after the apocalypse
you live high on the hog.

So, clasp your hands and pray to join the thousands
living large and scot-free!
They've got such good gravy, forget First Lady -
I wanna be an evacuee.

Rohan Preston is at rpreston@startribune.com